Visiting New Mamas

Visiting a New Mama

Last week, a good friend of mine gave birth to her first child! She and I had similar labors, enduring contractions for 3 days and pushing FOREVER to get those babies out! I was able to go visit her at the hospital on Sunday, and I took her a few things to make her comfortable too. As a new mom myself, I remember what it was like staying in the hospital for days and coming home to an empty house and a crying baby. It is not all sunshine and rainbows, believe me!

I wanted to put a little list together for things that would be good to remember when you are visiting a new Mama. Whether it’s her first or sixth, there are certain “rules” that we should follow to not overwhelm or stress the new mom. Here it goes!

When visiting mom at the hospital:

1. NEVER arrive empty-handed! Again, NEVER! Although the new parents may not “need” anything, it is always nice to have someone think of you prior to arriving and bring a little something. It doesn’t have to be big, just thoughtful. When we were in the hospital, my parents brought us Federico’s breakfast burritos (my favorite!), and some cookies. The cookies were great to have because when I was up multiple times a night, the only other option was vending machines. On Sunday, I took the new Mom some cookies, her favorite chips, her favorite candy, and a 6-pack of Dr. Pepper for her man! He said that I was his new best friend! Now, I can’t take credit for that one, because my husband came up with it. During those long days that we sat in a hospital room, he craved soda for sugar and energy, and it was almost unattainable. Just do it.

2. Ask if they need anything BEFORE you arrive. Are they cold? Do they need jackets or blankets? Do they need you to drop off a check for their rent? Do they want take-out? Phone chargers? Shampoo? Laptop? Magazines or books? Hairbrush (true story)? You get the idea. If you are going to visit, make yourself helpful!

3. Tell them before you come. The most awkward moment is when you are topless and wrestling your newborn in attempt to breastfeed her and your husband’s cousin walks in (or anyone embarrassing!). Don’t surprise them if you can help it. Find out what is the best time, so you don’t catch them in a breastfeeding session, while they’re showering, or worse, if they are finally sleeping! Which brings me to my next point...

4. Don’t overstay your welcome! It’s nice to have visitors to pass the long hours in the hospital, but short visits are best. Just enough time to give hugs, tell some stories, hold the baby, etc. It is a HUGE adjustment for new parents figuring out their child, and they need alone time too. Unless invited, don’t stay to just “watch the game”. You never know if mom wants alone time to breastfeed, go to the bathroom without someone waiting for her, cuddle her own baby, or just cry! You will have LOTS of time once mom arrives home to visit and HELP her.

5. Don’t be a baby hog. That’s right, some people are baby hogs! When holding a newborn, 5-10 minutes is PLENTY (unless you are a grandparent). Some moms have a hard time letting anyone hold new baby, so don’t push your luck. If you are in the room and more visitors or family members arrive, be courtesy and share! It’s awkward sitting there watching some stranger hold the baby you came to see and they just won’t give the baby up! Again, lots of time to love on baby after the hospital stay is over!

6. Leave the kids at home. Unless it is requested that you bring your little ones in, take a break from them to enjoy the new baby. It’s difficult to juggle kids in a hospital; keeping them quiet and happy and not touching too many things (including baby). Especially if you have your own new baby, every new mom dreads the “baby comparison”. Give mom and baby your full attention, listening to their stories and loving on the new baby like it’s the best thing in the world! She will appreciate it.

When Visiting Mom at home:

1. NEVER arrive empty-handed! Am I repeating myself? Sign up to bring a meal over for the new family. Cooking the last thing on your mind when you have a new baby, yet you and your man still need to eat! Create a sign-up chart on foodtidings.com to feed them! Also, we LOVED when our meals came with a sweet little dessert! A couple brownies, a bag of chocolate covered pretzels...you get the idea. If you don’t like the dinner idea, try something else. frozen breakfast quiches, muffins, fruit, protein bars, shakes, etc. Anything that you can easily grab and eat with one hand is the best!

2. Offer to help. If you can’t or don’t want to do a meal, offer your assistance. Normal new moms will refuse to let them help you with housework or the baby care, but she really needs it! Believe me! She just feels guilty that she hasn’t figured out how to care for baby, herself, cook, and keep the house clean all at once. As you talk, just start doing her dishes or putting things away. Grab a load of baby laundry to put in or fold the clothes in the laundry basket. When you go to the bathroom, wipe down the sink, straighten towels, replace the toilet paper, etc. If she will let you, grab the vacuum and go to town! Nothing feel better than a clean house (in my opinion). Some moms (like my friend Abby and myself) prefer to do the housecleaning themselves, so grab the baby and sit there entertaining her while you let mom vacuum and dust around you. It’s always such a relief to have free arms for a bit!

3. Let her sleep. The best mornings were when my mom and other older moms would come over to help. I would nurse the baby, hand her over, and they sent me to bed. I was ordered to close my door, put in earplugs, and NOT WORRY. The helper then changed baby, gave her a pacifier, rocked her, played with her, whatever! And I got to sleep for a couple hours. It was heaven. I even woke up to learn new tricks, like using the faucet to stop baby’s crying or the dryer! If you are someone that mom can trust to do this, don’t hesitate to offer. The first month was so hard because of loss of sleep. These were great moments.

4. Get personal or don’t. If mom seems like she needs a heart to heart and needs to cry, let her. Listen and offer comfort. If she seems tired and upset but doesn’t want to talk about it, move on! Talk instead about the latest show or food or mutual friends. Feel out how vulnerable she feels like being, and proceed from there.

5. Don’t overstay your welcome! DON’T OVERSTAY YOUR WELCOME. Again, as a new mom you DO NOT want to entertain. Show up, bring something over, clean some house, talk for awhile, and get out of there. By then mom is usually ready to go to bed with baby again or veg out in front of the tv in just her sports bra. Give her the alone time she needs.

All of these rules apply to all friends and family. Unless you are parent to the new mom (and a close parent), be sure to respect the new parents and love them in whichever ways they may need. It is only a short amount of time, and they will find a new normal soon and be able to invest in your friendship again. Remember, do not be offended by their distance. It is a whole new life they are embarking on, and it is emotional, confusing, stressful and tiring. 

               This being said, go love on the new mamas in your life. They need it. 

                      Here's some eye candy! This is sweet little Gracelyn who was born just 4 days ago.