The Joy in the Pain of Suffering- by Emily Mecimore

My cousin Emily graciously allowed me to share this sweet little journal entry of hers. In it, she is painfully transparent and humbled. You see, Emily has endured 2 miscarriages recently. Her first was about 10 weeks along, but baby had stopped growing and she had a traumatic experience with actually laboring and delivering. The second was about 7 weeks along, and she had to have a D and E (surgery) after beginning to miscarry. To say the least, she was heartbroken. This is her story.

 
Miscarriage. The Joy in the pain of suffering.
Miscarriage is one of the most painful experience here on this earth. The joy and hope of a positive pregnancy test. Already your heart yearns for your little one to love the Lord with all their heart. To know Him intimately. To be their purpose in life. With the second pregnancy after loss, you feel these same feelings, but a sense of fear creeps into your heart as well. For nights I could not sleep anxiously awaiting what would happen to the little one inside of me. I prayed this baby would love God with all its heart and that the Holy Spirit would be with it even in its tiny state. Through my fear, the Lord brought me this verse. Psalm 112:7 [He who fears the Lord] does no fear bad news for his heart is steadfast [or firm] in the Lord.
My prayers were not that my baby would grow to be old or be healthy and beautiful but that mine and my husband's heart would be fully content and steadfast in the Lord. That whatever happened we would feel steady in Him and feel His goodness and love always. And most of all that the baby would love God.
Well, at six weeks it was beginning to repeat my last pregnancy. Spotting. Loss of pregnancy symptoms. Sadness filled my heart, for I knew before I was even told my baby went to be with the Lord. This journey was filled with surgery instead of labor, but the end was the same. There is such sadness here if you only stay in this part of the story. There is hope. My prayers are answered. My Ellie Joy and Tucker Scott do love the Lord. Their Father and perfect parent has them even now. They just bask in the glory of His holiness and beauty. They have never felt any pain or suffering. They have only ever known the love and beauty of their God. So I am thankful, God chose me to be the one that would be a place of safety as He filled them with life and the ability to know and love Him. In my sadness I am happy, for their journey of discovering the truth of God and His love and goodness was easy and yet so rich and full.
I picture them in heaven with my grandma. My grandma passed away when I was ten and missed much of my life and growing and yet not all of it. Because she is with my two beloved children. Together the three of them are so joyful and spend their days in full heartfelt worship and truth contentment. Lord, thank You that You chose me to draw these sweet children to Yourself. Thank You that they never have to experience suffering or fear or sin. Lord, please care for them and tell them their mommy loves them very much.
Love is not making much of someone, but instead, it is enthralling that person with what will make them eternally happy, namely Jesus Christ.
Ellie Joy and Tucker Scott, I am so thankful you are eternally happy. I love you both so much. I pray my heart would stay thankful and content. That my heart would not look to you for fulfillment, but would look to my savior and source of hope. One day I will hold you and we will worship together.
All my love,
Your mommy

***A neat little bit of information for you...Emily recently announced that she is PREGNANT! 12 weeks and going strong. Baby is doing well and is due in August. Now that is beauty from ashes.

Praise God!***

“May the God of hope fill you will all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit, you may abound in hope.” - Romans 15:13

                                                         Here is Emily's baby bump!!!