Wednesday, June 10, 2015

A Letter to My Body

Body, I need to tell you something that I've had on my mind. I often feel like we're not connected- like I look in the mirror and I don't know who I see. And I usually don't like what I see. I am so weary of this, so I think it's time to have a heart-to-heart.

First of all, I want to say that I forgive you. And I don't want to just say it, I want to MEAN it. SO bear with me as we recall life.

I forgive you for not being tall and thin.

I forgive you for failing me with injuries.

I forgive you for always having a big butt.

I forgive you for making me labor for 67 hours.

I forgive you for not dilating and needing an epidural for rest.

I forgive you for pushing for 3 hours and still tearing.

I forgive you for needing surgery to be fixed.

I forgive you for needing pain medication to get through those long days.

I forgive you for not feeding my baby, even when I longed to provide her nourishment.

I forgive you for being tired, hungry, and achy.

I forgive you for letting our second baby go too soon. 

I forgive you for having more bumps and dimples appear over the years.

I forgive you for being too big and too small.

I forgive you for not looking like the body I had 6 years ago. 


But I DO NOT forgive you for giving up when it's hard.

I do not forgive you for never being enough.

I do not forgive you for making me feel less than someone else.

If we are going to make this work, I need my body and my mind to work together. I need you to accept each other. I need you to respect each other. I need you to love each other.

 I am tired of other people telling us what is normal, appropriate, and acceptable. I'm tired of other things defining what is beautiful. Mind, you know TRUTH, and I need you to tell the body. Body, you have had done some hard work, and I need you to REMIND the mind of that.

Every day will not be perfect. Every day will not be easy. I know I may need to re-forgive you many times throughout our life together. But we need to start somewhere, and we need to move forward from here. Today I want to drop this burden because it is simply too heavy to carry.

 I am sorry for the mean things I have said.
 I am sorry for the cruel activities I have put you through.
 I am sorry for starving you and filling you with crap.
 I am sorry for hating you for 'not looking like me', when you ARE me.

Will you join me, body? Can we learn to love each other? Can we respect this journey? I sure hope so. I will do my best to treat you well, and you do your best to treat me well. I hope that one day soon we can look at each other and find true peace.