The Birth of Piper Renee

On January 1^st, 2012 my husband left early for setup at church. I had a funny feeling, so I waited until he left and I took a pregnancy test. When those two lines appeared, I freaked out! I paced our bedroom and bathroom repeating “Oh God, oh God”. We weren’t exactly “trying”, but we knew it could happen easily. I had wanted nothing more than to become a mother for my entire life, and here it was staring me in the face. I was terrified.

I decided to go to church and try to “be normal” and tell my husband, Daniel, afterwards so we could talk and dream together. But alas, he was standing alone in the parking lot when I pulled up. CRAP. My tear-stained face and shaky voice were giving me away. I spilled the news, and he smiled and laughed, and we hugged. Then we went through the church service holding hands and smiling about our hidden secret.

We slowly told our families, friends, and youth group (Daniel is a youth pastor). Once everyone knew, it was time to begin planning our prenatal care and delivery. My sister had delivered both of her babies naturally at the hospital with a midwife, so I knew I also wanted an unmedicated birth, but I did not like the hospital setting. I found two birth centers in Phoenix, AZ that were about 30 minutes from our home. After researching and visiting them, we decided to deliver at Babymoon Inn. The women at this facility were warm and welcoming, and cared about every little thing. The birth center was a quiet and comfortable setting with snacks, drinks, Christian music, and a bedroom for an exam room. FANTASTIC. And this was just the office! The actual birth center was across the street in a little home with two bedrooms, bathrooms, a living room, and a kitchen. Each of the bedrooms had a deep tub for labor and water births and a comfy bed. They also had all sorts of laboring options like the birthing ball, stool, walking, squat bar, etc. I loved all of these options, and I knew this was the place for me.

The pregnancy progressed well and I visited the Inn regularly for my appointments. The baby was healthy, and we decided not to find out the sex! That was the most fun of all! During this time, I developed close friendships with the women who worked at the Inn. Amey, our favorite birth nurse was almost always there, and Dianne was the doula for the Inn. We prayed that both of these women would be able to attend our birth. When I was 30 weeks pregnant, our midwife Connie resigned. I was devastated, but I met the 4 other midwives working at the Inn, and I knew that whoever attended our birth, she would be in God’s plan.

September 10^th, 2012 arrived without any excitement. This was my due date. I had been experiencing Braxton Hicks contractions for a few weeks, but nothing to show from it. Since I didn’t want to dread this day, I celebrated. I started by going to my water aerobics class at the gym, went to Starbucks, Chick-fil-a, shopped, and hung out with my sisters. It was fun when people asked “when are you due?” and I could smile and say “TODAY!”. I continued to try to have a good attitude, because I knew Mini (that’s what we called “it”) would come soon.

A frosty on my due date!

On Thursday, September 13^th, 2012 at 5:45am I woke up with horrible stomach pains and I knew I had to go to the bathroom. I had taken Castor Oil (I know…) the night before; maybe it was working! After I was finished, I slid back in bed at 6am and immediately felt my first contraction. WOW. That was different. I knew it was real! I timed them for about 30 minutes at 7 minutes apart, and woke my husband to tell him. We were both so excited that we couldn’t go back to sleep! We timed them and ate some breakfast. Nothing too exciting was happening, and the contractions were so light that I could go through with my normal routine. At about 10am, we decided that my husband would take me over to my Mom’s house and he would go to work for awhile. We would stay in touch throughout the day in case he needed to come quickly. We also notified Amey and Dianne, and now we all just waited…

After spending the day shopping, eating out, and timing contractions, I finally felt like active labor began around 7pm. My husband and I spent the evening and night laboring in our home with our awesome playlist on. At about 1am, I was ready for my Mom to join us- she hadn’t slept anyway. When she came over, my contractions picked up even more as I walked around the kitchen and living room, laboring on the ball or in their arms. When the contractions were 4 minutes apart, I heard my mom whisper to my husband “She’s getting close. We’ll go to the birth center soon”. It was about 3am. All of the sudden, my contractions got further and further apart. 10 minutes…20 minutes…an hour. What’s happening? By 9am, my contractions stopped completely, no matter what position I was in. And I had watched the sun rise.

Amey lived only a few miles away, so she offered to come over and check my progress. When she arrived, I was laying on the floor in the living room without any contractions. We decided not to check my cervix since my contractions had stopped and I really didn’t like to be checked. I was so discouraged, so after talking for awhile, Amey told me to take a Benadryl and try to nap. She said it could start back up soon, or not until the weekend- it was already a funny labor.

At about noon my eyes popped open when a strong contraction seared through my body. Again, we were at 7 minutes apart and in full labor. My mom had left for school, so it was just Daniel and I laboring through the day. I liked laying on the bed in between to rest, but as soon as a contraction took hold, Daniel had to grab my hand and pull my leg up to help me breathe through it. By 5pm, I was discouraged and tired. Daniel called our doula, Dianne, to see if she could come over to assist. She had recently been called to another laboring mama, so she said she would send her back-up, Kelly. We had met Kelly once and really liked her, so I didn’t mind. As long as SOMEONE could help take the edge of off this pain!

It is now Friday evening. Kelly arrived at about 6pm and walked into my bedroom to find me in a contraction. She plopped down behind me on a stool and began “the hip squeeze”. It was a little while before we even said hello! She had me lie on my bed and relax, while she pulled out her oils and began to massage my legs, feet, and hands. I had never felt so good, but I started shaking. Around 9pm, Amey came back over to see how we were doing. We decided to check my cervix, despite all my fighting. She had trouble finding it, and my thrashing about didn’t help. She said that I was dilated to about 5cm and well effaced, but it was still a bit of a guess since my cervix was so far back. Every time I went to the bathroom, Amey and Kelly asked to see if there was mucus, bloody show, etc. and then they would whisper about it. I wanted to know! All they said was that I was making progress.  

Amey and Daniel praying over me and Mini.

They said that we should try sitting on the toilet and some nipple stimulation, so my husband and I spent about an hour in the bathroom alone. My contractions began to get stronger and closer, so it was working. At about midnight, Kelly said we should try the shower. I labored there, on my ball, for another hour. I was now beginning to feel so exhausted that I wasn’t sure I could go on. Every time I moved, I started shaking again and could not stop. I did not feel cold or nervous, I just couldn't stop shaking. I was begging to go to the birth center, because it was a 30 minute drive and I was afraid to have too many contractions in the car. After much pleading, Amey said she would check me again and we could head out. Once again she fought to find my cervix, and when she did she guessed it was about 7cm, and one side she could stretch to 8cm. LET’S GO.

We got in the car and started towards the birth center. My husband drove while I sat in the backseat with my mom, sucking on a honey stick and trying to stay calm in between contractions. The worst thing was having to put clothes on to travel! We made it to the birth center and made the slow trek into the small home. It was now about 3am, and my midwife Connie was already there, along with another midwife, Brittani, who wanted to see a birth center birth (she usually did hospital births). I wanted to get in the bathtub so badly, so they prepared the water for me and let me get in. After relaxing for awhile in the water, they asked me to get out so they could check me and we could possibly try some pushing.

We sat on the bed with my husband's strong arms around me from behind and the midwife in front of me, trying to check me once again. She looked a little concerned that perhaps I wasn’t as far as we thought, and said it would be a good idea to break my water. Ugh, I did not want this. I started to freak out at this point and I was definitely getting irrational and hysterical. Connie came in, said "open your mouth" and gave me some homeopathic medicine to calm me down. And the sun rose again.

I asked them all to leave the room while I talked with my husband. We were laying on the bed together and we both broke down crying, because this had been such a long, tough journey already. I begged him to take me to the hospital so this could all be over with. I did not need pain relief, just to be done laboring. I asked him for a c-section over and over, so our baby could finally be here. I found out later that this conversation tore Daniel apart- he hated seeing me in pain and wanted to end it, but he knew how badly I wanted a naturally birth. He said that he felt completely helpless in this moment, and didn’t want to continue to push me if I really needed relief.

We decided to go forward with breaking my water and seeing how I would progress. We wanted to know that even if we had to transfer to a hospital, we had done everything in our power first. Brittani, the visiting midwife, was going to do it. She worked at the hospital, and assured me that she did this all the time and she could do it quickly. I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth and she was done in about 10 seconds. Thank God! The she hugged me and said goodbye- she had to go home to her family. At this point, Amey also asked to start an IV for me to ensure that my fluids were good. We agreed and laid down to rest for a few minutes. Everyone got a second wind and started to get excited about pushing soon.

I had a small break in my contractions, so I put on a robe and went into the living room to try to eat some breakfast (french toast sticks) and have some apple juice. It was 10am on Saturday morning, and my Dad had recently arrived and my sisters were both on their way. Everyone was ready for Mini to arrive. Around noon, I got in the tub and started some practice pushes. I was hoping to meet my baby soon. Transition hit. I moaned so loudly through those contractions that I thought the whole block could hear me. I heard Connie tell my mom that they would be even worse if I was out of the water. My mom later told me that those contractions were 5 minutes long! I remember floating in my husband’s arms in between, and hearing everyone laughing that I was asleep but relieved that I could rest. Don't get me wrong, the rest was only 2 minutes in between contractions. I wanted to so badly to acknowledge them, but I couldn’t pull myself from the sleep. This is the moment I finally understood what it felt like to have an out-of-body experience. I felt like I was watching myself labor, and that I was so focused on the next pain, that I wasn’t aware of anything else. I must also add that through this entire process, the baby was absolutely fine and had no idea what was happening. Amey checked on Mini every 3 minutes, and there was never any concern.

After a few hours of this, I wasn’t making much progress. Everyone left the room once more, and I was left in strong arms of my husband to make some decisions. We cried together once more, and prayed that God would bring this baby soon. I had never felt so helpless and at a loss of what to do. My husband, with his unwavering support and strength, mirrored those feelings. Connie came back in and gave me more homeopathic medicine to calm me. Then she requested that I try pushing on the bed again, then the toilet, then the door frame. Hours passed. I hit my quitting point once more.

At this point, I was sitting on the toilet with my husband crouched in front of me, and I was sobbing and begging him again to take me to the hospital. I would stop every few minutes to groan through my contractions, because they are SO painful on the toilet. Connie came in and asked to speak with us. I can’t quite remember all of the details, but it was something to the effect that she wasn’t sure why I was not progressing and that now my body may be too tired to deliver. She said it would probably be best to transfer to the hospital, get an epidural, and rest. The baby should come quickly as soon as my body could relax.

We agreed. I was done. I apologized over and over to my husband that I couldn't bring his baby into the world the way that he had planned. He hushed me, kissed me, and said that we were finally going to meet our baby soon. Daniel then called my family into the room and announced that we were going to the hospital. I felt so sad and defeated, but they were so excited, and my Dad said “Great, let’s go!”. There was no judgment from any of them, just pure relief that I would be out of pain soon. It was 7pm.

 The 5 minute drive to the hospital felt like a year, and I had hard contractions in the car. Since Connie told me not to push anymore, it took everything I had to pant through them. Connie had called ahead so they were ready for us, and as soon as we pulled into the parking lot, my Dad had a wheelchair ready. The next 30 minutes was a whirlwind. We were escorted to a room immediately- I had a nurse on each side of my hooking me up, one in front asking us questions for paperwork, and Kelly in my face helping me to breathe. Kelly! She was already at the hospital with another mama. She knew my status, and she arrived immediately to hug me. I was begging for my epidural, because I knew that I now had no chance of having an unmedicated birth. When there is no longer a purpose for your pain, it become unbearable. I kept asking for it, and they kept telling me that they needed to get a bag of fluid into me before they could administer it. That bag was taking FOREVER!  Kelly ran down the hall to find the anesthesiologist  and ordered him into my room. I received my epidural within 20 minutes of arriving. Kelly helped me through contractions during the procedure, and I felt one more contraction before never feeling one again. Sweet relief. Finally. I had been in active labor for 48 hours.

 Once I was relaxed, our nurse checked my cervix- I didn’t feel a thing! She said I was dilated to 5cm, but I had no swelling. This did not make sense. Had my body gone backwards? Was I never dilated any further? I was disappointed, and I still do not know this answer. They decided to start Pitocin. By this time, I realized that my ideal birth plan had already been thrown out the window, and I didn’t care anymore. I felt numb.

I had a bad attitude about being in the hospital. All of the monitors beeping around me, the uncomfortable bed, the catheter. It's a strange sensation when you are numb, yet you can still feel things. The monitor on my stomach was tight and itchy, and the baby constantly kicked at it. Every time I tried to readjust it, the alarm went off. I also learned that I was not allowed to flip myself because of my epidural. I had to have a nurse come in and do it for me. I was doing everything wrong.

My family went home for the night and Daniel and I settled in to sleep for awhile. They woke me around 3am to check me again, and I was still dilated to 5cm. My nurse said that I may need an internal monitor to check that my contractions were strong enough to dilate my cervix. She also said that when our midwife came in, she would check me again but if I hadn’t progressed, we needed to consider a c-section. I also had them top off my epidural because my hips were aching like crazy, and I could not get comfortable. The neat part about all of this is that Brittani (who broke my water) was going to be our midwife! We knew we were in good hands.

The sun rose again. Sunday morning. Shift change for the nurses was at 7am, and when the new nurse, Bernadette, came in and saw how low my Pitocin was, she cranked it up, stating that I would get nowhere with it that low. Kelly had been running back and forth between our room and the room of the other birth center mama who had been transferred. She came back to tell us that the other mama was just taken into a c-section. Kelly had hardly slept in 2 days.

At 9am, my parents arrived and forced Daniel to go to the cafeteria to get breakfast with them. He obliged reluctantly, knowing that Kelly was with me. He hadn't left my side in 3 days. We all prayed together that God would change my cervix and bring this baby. While they were gone, Brittani arrived to check me. Kelly and I held hands and held our breath. This answer could determine whether or not I would have a c-section. She had a funny look on her face and she had Bernadette check me also. We held hands and waited. Bernadette said “well, it seems like you are about 9cm”. OH MY GOD! NINE! Kelly and I cried and hugged; we were so relieved. We called Daniel and my parents back up, and told them the news. There were many tears.

At 10am, Brittani came into the room and began to prepare for delivery. As I watched her pull out sheets and instruments, I realized that this was actually happening! I announced that I would push hard, and we would have a baby by noon. When all was ready, I started pushing. And pushing. And pushing. This was taking forever. I pushed holding my legs, with a squat bar, playing tug-o-war with a towel, and was losing all my energy. I was falling asleep in between again. The nurse put an oxygen mask on me to make sure I was receiving enough while pushing. They asked if I wanted them to turn my epidural down to feel how to push, but I said no. I had felt that pain for days already, and I was not going back. I felt a tingle in my right hip, and that’s how I knew when to push. The strangest part of pushing, is that as the baby moves down, so do your monitors. They kept losing the baby's heartbeat and it moved lower, and I remember watching my stomach change dramatically. I tried not to focus on this, but it was so unexpected!

Two hours passed and it was now 12:30, with no baby. Brittani had to follow protocol and notify the doctor of my progress. She had to call for a possible vacuum birth, but said we had about 30 minutes before it could arrive and to keep pushing. Because they were going to do this, I also had to sign a consent for a c-section because in the event that the vacuum didn’t work, I would be taken into an emergency c-section. I learned later that there was a bed waiting to transfer me to surgery the whole time.

Brittani stayed calm and continued to tell me to push. I can still see her in my memory, sitting quietly at the end of my bed looking at me from top to bottom, and just smiling with her hands in her lap. When she saw a good push, she massaged olive oil into my birth canal to help stretch and prevent tearing. Bernadette came in so excited that she had found a mirror, and all I said was “No! No mirror!”, and she went right back out the door. Instead, Kelly took pictures of my progress and showed them to me, stating that I needed to see where I was since I could not feel it.

I remember feeling the blood pressure cuff tighten every two minutes, and at this point I yelled in frustration, ripped it off my arm, and threw it across the room. The oxygen mask was not far behind. They all looked at me, but no one said a word. I was now pushing with my eyes closed, only opening them for a quick drink. I started to fall asleep in between again. I tried to get at least 3 good pushes in with every contraction. Even with an epidural, pushing is excruciatingly difficult.

 Daniel was running back and forth from my head to my feet. At one point before the baby crowned, he touched the baby’s head and yelled “Babe! I’m touching our baby! You can do it!”. Finally the baby crowned and Brittani told me to reach down and touch the head. The moment I did, I said “that’s my baby!?!? I’m touching my baby!?!?”.

That was all it took. I mustered every ounce of strength I had left after 4 days of labor. It's amazing what strength you can still find when you think you're all out.With one more push, Mini came out into Brittani's arms and straight onto my stomach. It was 1:59pm. It was so fast that I was shocked and all I remembered to do was pull my sports bra up for skin-to-skin. The moment the baby came out, Bernadette yelled “She’s here! It’s Piper!”, and we knew it was a little girl. The cord was short, and the nurse kept telling me to put her lower so I wouldn't tug on the cord. It was hard, because I only wanted my little girl on my chest and against my face. I held her, cried and talked to her while Brittani finished up down below and Daniel cut the cord.

They took her for a few minutes to weigh and measure her, and returned her to me with a little hat with a bow. She screamed from the moment she arrived and didn’t stop! The girl had a lot to say about that long labor! After about an hour, I handed her to Daniel to get his first sweet moments with his daughter. It was finally over.

Although I did not have the labor and delivery I planned, I can rest in the fact that I did everything in my power to try. We ended up at the hospital with lots of interventions, but I was fortunate enough to avoid the vacuum and c-section. My wonderful husband did not get to announce the sex, but we had a gorgeous little girl. My sweet girl, Piper Renee, was here. It is strange that sometimes you do not feel that immediate "connection" with your baby that you expect. After our difficult journey, I just felt relief. I was surprised that it takes a little while to bond and get to know each other. Five months later, my love for her is so strong that it is unmeasurable. And some how, I still love her more every day than the last.

 I do not regret any decisions we made during this birth or anything that happened. It was tough and long, but when called upon, God showed up. This was the way it was supposed to happen. In the end, Daniel and I now have our very own family.

Our awesome doula, Kelly.

Our life-saver midwife, Brittani.

Piper Renee

                                                                September 16, 2012
                                                                         1:59pm
                                                                 7lbs 9oz  20in long