All you "Single Ladies" (Mamas)

            Tonight, my sweet Pipsqueak would not go to sleep. I know that she is probably overtired because she hasn’t napped well today, but she refuses to go to sleep! I would kill for a nap... Anyway, I put her down and let her cry... then I got her back up.... I put her down again... then up. This went on for 2 hours! Finally after I put her down again, I went to my bathroom to wash my feet (I had been wearing flats without socks all day...yuck). While I was sitting on the side of my tub with hot water running on my legs and feet, I finally began to relax. I couldn’t hear her little cries over the sound of the water, and I decided to not worry about the water bill and just let the water run over me for awhile. It was a break, even if it was only 5 minutes long.

You see, February marks the official start of Tax Season(dun dun dun). This is only a big deal because my husband is an accountant, so he easily pulls 70 hour weeks from February through April 15. Since my Dad is also an accountant, I knew what these months held, but I still don’t like them. My Mom and I call ourselves “tax season widows”, because our men practically disappear! Since my husband is more of a night owl, he goes into the office around 8am and comes home around 11pm. That’s my whole day! I’m usually in bed by then! Sundays are our only day together, and I fight hard to see him all day long.

When we were *planning* to try for a baby, we knew anytime in the Spring would be awful for delivery, but I also didn’t want a newborn or to be extremely and miserably pregnant. I know, I’m difficult to plan with. So now our daughter is 4 months old as we enter the black hole of tax season.

Tonight sitting on the side of the tub, I realized just how hard this already feels. When Piper poops through 3 outfits a day, I have no one to help me clean her up. When she refuses to nurse or take a bottle, I have no one to pass her off to. When she cries uncontrollably for no reason, I have no one to calm her. And Daniel, by far, is the BEST baby whisperer there is. Piper just melts into his arms, and even when she is super cranky, he can make her laugh or just fall asleep. He is my saving grace.

Now, to clarify, I am not saying that I have no one in my life. This is not a pity-party. In fact, my little sister recently moved in with me and is a big help when she’s home! The other night I came home doubled over with a stomach flu (or so I thought), and when I came out of the bathroom, Hahna had put Piper in a fresh diaper and her pajamas and had her ready for bed. She even asked if I wanted her to give her a bottle. Huge help. I also have friends and family to help (which I am so thankful for!), but sometimes no one can do things for your child like you can. And sometimes they are not there in the middle of the day or night when you just need a back-up. And sometimes, you don’t have anyone.

To all of you mamas out there who are doing this alone, even for just a little bit, I applaud you. It is not a walk in the park. You are strong and wonderful, and I pray that God gives you strength to get through the long days and lengthens the sweet moments to remind you of why we do this.

I love my little girl so much, so as I sat on the side of the tub tonight (still there), I decided to look through my collection of bible verses from my labor, and I found this little gem:

2 Corinthians 4:16

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.”

As I read on, it only got better....

    2 Corinthians 4:17-18
    “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen, since what is seen in temporary, and what is unseen is eternal.”

Thank you Jesus, for renewing us every day. Thank you for giving us vision and a goal. I love my little girl more than anything in the world, so tonight I am going to dwell on the fact that I am not a bad mom, I am just feeling tired and lonely at the moment. Tomorrow will be better, because God promises!

To all you mamas doing this alone, I challenge you to also take these verses into your hearts. God has not forgotten or forsaken you, and your hardships are merely part of his plan to grow and strengthen you. Continue to love on your littles with a full heart. You will be redeemed.