Divorce

Divorce. What an ugly word. It is a word that, when spoken, conveys images of broken hearts and broken homes. Memories perhaps. It is a word that is used far too commonly in this lifetime. Television flaunts it, tabloids dissect it, couples threaten it, and children dread it.

When Daniel and I married, about 3 other couples also wed within weeks of our wedding day. While sitting at one of these weddings, my husband (then fiance), leaned over and whispered to me “you know, out of these 4 couples, two of them will get divorced”. WHAT!?! What an awful thing to say at a wedding! As steamed up as that comment got me, he was right. Too right.

I am not even 25 years old yet, and I have many friends and acquaintances who have already endured divorce. Although it has yet to be any of those 4 couples, it has been others who have become casualties of this harsh reality. It breaks my heart to see a friend or hear of one who is signing those papers and moving on. Although they seem strong and happy to finally “be rid” of him, I know that inside they must be hurting, broken and lost.

This is a hard post to write. Not because divorce it difficult to talk about or because I don’t know anything about it, but because it is so close to some people’s hearts, and I have no desire to offend or accuse anyone who has gone through divorce. Please know that. It does not matter why the divorce happened, whose fault it was, or if the marriage could have been saved. I am not here to judge those factors. I am here to reveal how truly difficult it is for those who have gone through it or are currently wading those waves.

My husband is a victim of divorced parents. He had one parent who fought extremely hard, and another who felt the marriage had run it’s course. He was only 11 when it happened. Because of the hurt and neglect during this time, he brought into our marriage many things that we have had to work hard to get through. Divorce does not just affect the husband and wife, but it affects the children, parents, the friends, the future spouses, and anyone else who may come into their lives. It affects my marriage and also the way that my husband chooses to father our daughter. Now, he is an extremely loving husband and father, but it hasn’t always been easy for us. In fact, early last year we had a big fight, and in the heat of them moment I said some mean things, including thoughts about divorce. The next morning, I found out I was pregnant. If God had never given me a reason before to work on myself and my marriage, the moment was now. It was no longer about me.

Many people, Christians especially, go into marriage saying “divorce is not an option”. Well let me tell you something- divorce IS an option. Wait, hear me out! Divorce has to be an option in order to choose NOT to do it. Get it? Lots of people will even ignore divorce, thinking it will never happen to them, and that’s when it sneaks up. God has not called us to be lazy or fearful, but to find the evil and face it in His name. If we know that divorce is thriving and more prevalent than anything, we can equip ourselves with the knowledge to fight it and hang on tight to our marriages. According to a recent interview of Billy Graham, marriage is not the union of two compatible people, but a union of two INcompatible people. He says of his 56 year marriage, “we are happily incompatible”. God created us to complement each other with our differences, not compare them, and lay our selfishness aside as we seek Christ together.

Marriage is not about the two people involved, it is suppose to reflect the relationship that God desires to have with each one of us. Deep, long-lasting, and intimate. My father-in-law has always used the phrase “any two people can get married”. What he means is that it does not matter what we have in common or if we both love cats, because God can make anything work. But through Him is the only way ANYTHING can work. Can you see why I don’t like the phrase “soul mates”? I am married to Daniel, and every day we are working harder towards becoming soul mates.

If you are entering into a marriage, struggling in a marriage, or happily married, I BEG YOU, pay attention to your marriage. My mother has always said “Ignore your teeth and they’ll go away”. Obviously she is referring to brushing your teeth, but I think this phrase applies to marriage! Ignore your marriage and it will go away. I know there are jobs, kids, events, illnesses, and many other things to make you drift apart and distract you, so we need to work harder to stay together.

And If you are going through a divorce, have come out on the other side, or are a victim of divorce in any way, I AM TRULY SORRY.  My heart breaks for you and the heartache that you have endured. No one should have to feel the pain of a broken marriage and a broken family. But let me give you hope: there is restoration and you can be “whole” again. I have seen it with my own eyes. You are not ruined, you are not worthless.

In the name of Jesus, divorce will never own you.

“I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, my great army, which I sent among you. “You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, who has dealt wondrously with you. And my people shall never again be put to shame.” - Joel 2:25-26

“Instead of your shame there shall be a double portion; instead of dishonor they shall rejoice in their lot; therefore in their land they shall possess a double portion; they shall have everlasting joy.    “ - Isaiah 61:7