The Importance of Sleep and How to Make the Most of it- by Kassie Lashua

My dear friend, Kassie, wrote a little post about the importance of sleep and why we often feel like "zombie moms" for the first couple years of child rearing. I know it probably seems silly and impossible to get more sleep, but she has some great suggestions and ideas for making the most of the sleep that you do get! Enjoy!

A good friend of mine was discussing the 3 essentials of health with her husband; diet, exercise, and sleep. As she was telling him how much sleep they should be getting to maintain their health, he said: "Nope. Wrong. If that was true, God wouldn't have invented kids."

Haha...that made me chuckle to myself then got me thinking...what is the deal with sleep? I have read and heard so many things on how once you are a parent, you never sleep...but then so many parents seem just fine. They have figured out how to get their kids to sleep in a perfect bedtime routine or they just have learned to deal with having a serious lack of sleep as their new normal. I always knew that when I had children one day, I would have a different life and not get the sleep I wanted. But I had no idea what exactly it would do to me in shaking my entire world upside down...

I've always needed my sleep. My mom was good about making sure we got good rest, and we had a bedtime at 8pm until I was like 12. I hated going to bed early. But I also did not like how I felt "dizzy" the day after sleepovers when I was younger. I always knew my limits growing up, and actually enjoyed a good night's sleep all through high school. I learned quickly that if I was going to open at my new job at Starbucks (which meant wake up at 3:30a), I would have to get some sort of nap in later that day to make up for it (which I always did). I continued that for about 2 years. Then, I got married, slept in a lot, and took naps whenever I wanted or did not feel rested. Well, I quickly learned after giving birth to our perfect baby girl that I would not be allowed to "catch up" to a point where I felt great again. Our daughter had many stomach issues, and no matter what I did, nursing her often throughout the night seemed to be the only cure. And throughout the day was no different. She was very happy when I did this and I knew no matter what I needed to make sacrifices for her and would do what I could to help keep her comfortable and healthy. I would soon come to find out that I had entered a new phase in my life that would cause me to be almost "zombie" like for 2 straight years. I worked so hard at making this okay like everyone else. I wanted so badly to get used to it, and just deal like everyone else seems to be able to do!

I never, ever seemed to be able to catch up on my sleep. My mom would often try to come over to let me nap, or my husband would take time when he was off of work to also, and I felt so good for one day, and was soooo grateful to them, but I never would get over the guilt that the next day I just felt like I needed them to do it again! It never was enough! I was always tired, dizzy, irritable, emotional, and exhausted. For the first 3 months of our baby's life, I feel like I hardly ever left the house. I even got nauseous sometimes just from being tired!

So was I crazy to be like this? Was I just programmed to be like this as a child by having a mom always making sure I slept great? Were people like my husband who just were able to mentally “deal” well without sleep the real normal? Was I just a sickly and pathetic adult that didn’t know how to deal? I thought so! I felt so horribly wrong for being this way. I just always went back to the thought that…I needed to just go on pretending that I’m okay. That I wasn't more exhausted than I had ever been in my life and it never seemed to end. After my daughter turned one, I did learn to cope. I actually thought I was okay, that I had mastered the not much sleep but I am still okay mentality. I started to get out a lot more and got encouragement from other moms and saw I wasn't the other one that was tired. I felt better. But still suffered from feeling irritable, nauseous at times, got down easily, and had no energy. But I had to learn, this is my new life!

After two years of being up nursing with my daughter (which I wouldn’t change, I am so grateful I was able to do that for her!), I finally weaned her. She was sleeping straight through the night, about 11 hours, every night! Suddenly the miracle of a night’s sleep ran into a week and then a month. I felt like for the first time, my body was mine again. My brain was functioning better. I was happier and more excited for each day. I had energy I thought I never would again. I hated how different I had been for so long…but was so ready to really truly enjoy my dream come true life with my amazing husband and beautiful, intelligent 2 year old daughter!

And then it happened…my daughter, Emma, got the flu. Then, my husband did. Then, I did. And then…the moment I thought it was over, all three of us got it again!

What prompted this post I’m about to write is exhaustion again. The frustration. The tears. And yes, even depression! It all came back. I hated feeling this way. And I thought I had absolutely no reason to be feeling this way other than the fact that I had a long list of to-do's and could never seem to accomplish them. I thought something was wrong me with that there were always things left undone due to the fact that there was always something else that came up and had to take priority and then I had no energy left for anything else.

This had been going on for about two months when finally it all drew to a close and we all felt great, slept well, and had a great few days! I mean fun, great, happy…and I was super excited to start life again and begin my projects! Then, out of no where, my daughter would not sleep. No reason really---I’m sure it was something like her nose itched or she felt thirsty or something. But we could not figure it out. We even brought her to bed with us, which we never do, and she didn’t like that at all. Would. Not. Sleep. So after four nights of this…I broke down and was praying to God, seriously? What is going on? I was so happy and feeling great last week? And now, I feel like I hate everything and there is no purpose to life, and I really, really want to just take a vacation by myself and sleep for days on end…and never talk to anyone! Horrible…not really what I wanted but what I was feeling! I had one of those challenging moments with the Lord like I was upset with Him for not hearing my prayers. I was completely emotionally and physically exhausted. Well, I opened my Biblestudy for the day and felt NOTHING…got NOTHING from it…and it made me feel even worse. Just the previous week I was hearing and seeing so much from the LORD! What happened? I know, lots of feelings…and just before I threw in the towel and started to cry some more, I remembered a favorite picture I had shoved into this new book for Biblestudy I had in my lap. I just felt like looking at it and as I got it out, I realized it fell on a page that was a few weeks ahead of where we were at, and the title was about Sleep, and all the different things that you may suffer from lack of sleep.

My Bible Study book is called Wonderstruck by Margaret Feinberg.
Here are some of the things I was reading on page 64:

Sleep deprivation takes a heavy toll on our minds and bodies. Scientists show that insufficient amounts of sleep affect the part of our brain that controls language, memory, sense of time, and our ability to plan. In addition, the body performs less efficiently and isn’t able to recharge the immune system as well. But lack of sleep also affects our spiritual lives.

Examples of signs that lack of rest is taking a toll on your life:
*My morning times of study and prayer become more rushed. I passed by countless people  without seeing them---or their needs.
* I rushed by moments of grace and God’s goodness unaware.
*I hush the Holy Spirit’s nudges by responding, “I don’t have time.”

Loss of just one and a half hours of sleep can result in a 32% reduction in daytime alertness.
 
Realizing lack of rest has more than once caused me to stumble into the temptation of sin! The resolve to stay strong, remain pure, or be courageous melts away. Without enough rest, I become increasingly impatient and unloving, more susceptible to fear, and easily angered.


Are you wowing along with me? Can you relate to any or all of this as I can!?! I felt like I was reading about MYSELF and God was comforting me so perfectly for where I was at at that exact moment! (Which by the way, He always does when I least expect it.)

More curious than ever now, I decided to do some more research online as to what other symptoms sleep deprivation could cause :

*Anxiety and stress (Umm…yes, but don’t we all have this anyway? Does it really cause more???)
*Anger, irritability, and depression. (Wow…I get super frustrated, upset with people, even depressed…but most often I am realizing is just from a lack of sleep???
*Lack of focus and difficulty in concentrating. (I could never seem to read and
*Short-term memory loss (I like to think this is why we get the infamous mom-brain after having kids)
*Inability to drive a motor vehicle with safety (Especially not okay when you have kids)
*Suppression of the immune system (Maybe this is why we suddenly seemed to get sick a lot in the past year?)


So the tough question at this point I am now asking is, so how am I supposed to deal with this now? Everyone knows that parents do not have the ability to sleep! They cannot choose or dictate their night’s rest! And the crazy part is, how come I seem to have a heightened issue with this and my husband, friends, family, etc…do not? Or do they?

Well, as there are not many answers in life, there is always the truth that you are responsible for yourself and your actions. Some people do not struggle in the ways you do. Some people have different tendencies and weaknesses. Mine happens to be sleep. What others struggle with is not my responsibility. I need to worry about what MY tendencies and struggles are! But I am sure EVERYONE would benefit from more sleep...

I began to feel overwhelmed at thinking about how all this research seems to point to sleeping more, but what if you just can't? As I began researching more, I learned if you find it impossible to find more time for sleep, there is another answer to stop the effects of sleep deprivation. Improve the quality of your sleep so that you can can feel more refreshed without increasing your sleep time.

Here are some different suggestions I found:

(source:http://healthysleep.med.harvard.edu/healthy/getting/overcoming/tips) & (http://www.sleep4health.com.au/sleep-and-health/top-10-tips-how-to-sleep-better/)

*Avoid Caffeine, Alcohol, Nicotine, and Other Chemicals that Interfere with Sleep
*Turn Your Bedroom into a Sleep-Inducing Environment
*Establish a Soothing Pre-Sleep Routine
*Go to Sleep When You’re Truly Tired
*Don’t Be a Nighttime Clock-Watcher
*Use Light to Your Advantage
*Keep Your Internal Clock Set with a Consistent Sleep Schedule
*Nap Early—Or Not at All
*Lighten Up on Evening Meals
*Balance Fluid Intake
*Exercise Early
*Avoid watching tv before bed
*Avoid having any mobile phones and electrical appliances within one meter of your bed
*Best quality of sleep is achieved between 10pm-6am. Every ½ hour sleep before midnight is comparable to 2 hours of sleep after midnight. It is not how late you go to bed rather how early that affects the quality of sleep
   
There were even more suggestions but I knew right away just looking at some of these that there were things I could do to get a better quality of sleep such as drinking caffeine (it heightens my irritability anyway), avoid internet before bed, and going to sleep earlier.

I sat down one day and shared all of this with my husband, my favorite person to talk to my problems to next to the Lord. He is so wise, and he seems to always has some sort of a suggestion or "fix" for me. It's so wonderful. And this time was no different :) He thought about my dilemma and frustration, listened to all my goals that were getting delayed and my list of priorities that were all a mess due to my lack of rest, then thought for a while, and he said, "But I think you could sleep more." He reminded me, there are many nights, when he worked late, that I wait up for him. I miss him and want to see him when he gets home. And also, I am so thrilled to get some quiet after Emma goes to sleep that I stay up late because I can, and it’s nice to have some time alone. But now, knowing that the serious lack of sleep can cause me to develop these symptoms and negatively affect my family and loved ones, and even at times could cause me to become weakened to temptation and more prone to sin, so it must be one of my priorities, whenever I can make the choice, to choose sleep. This may require I sacrifice some other pleasures such as being up late and not really accomplishing much but having alone time. Maybe I can work it out to schedule it some other time during the day. That is possibly me sacrificing what I need for what I want. He suggested that I put aside everything for a while, and try to focus on just sleeping. And see what that does for me. So that’s where I am at, and I am looking forward to discovering what may happen. The new discipline I am about to implement may be extremely tempting to want to put off so I can have my “late night freedom”, but what might it be costing? What has it done to me, and caused me to put the blame on?

One thing I have not mentioned up til now is that my husband has gone through some pretty traumatic health issues since our being married, one being when my daughter was just 7 months old. Maybe we are not the typical family, and our stress we have dealt with caused me to need even an additional amount of sleep. Whatever the cause of my need to sleep, I now know the consequences if I don't get enough for a long enough period of time. This has encouraged me and given me a new focus. I want to be as equipped as possible to best follow what God has directed me to do in life. And without the distraction of being to tired when I know I could help it in some small way!

I wonder how we could all be more fruitful in our lives if we were to get adequate rest? I am hoping in sharing my story that it will somehow encourage some moms that may be struggling also, and let you know first of all, that you are normal, you do need sleep, you can ask for and accept help without guilt, and you DO need to make it more of a priority!