Four weeks prior to her birth, I had a preterm labor scare. I had been feeling off all day and decided to give my midwife a call just to be sure. Well, the midwife recommended that we go to labor and delivery to get checked out, just in case. When we got to the hospital, they concluded that I was already 2.5 centimeters dilated, 80 percent effaced, and our little girl was sitting at 0 station. I was also having moderate contractions about 3-4 minutes apart (I had no idea, but watching the monitor, they looked pretty intense). They informed me that as a first time mom, I should not have been experiencing any of this at only 33 weeks pregnant. Josh and I were devastated to discover that our hope for a completely drug free pregnancy was gone. One of my best friends reminded me that the reason we wanted to stay drug free was because we felt it was the best thing for our baby. Well, within a few hours, the best thing for our baby changed. We realized we were still doing what was best for her, just not the way that we had planned. So after talking with three different midwives, trying every other option to stop labor, and crying for an hour, they gave me drugs to stop the labor and steroids to mature Raegan’s lungs just in case. After two nights in the hospital, we were sent home with medicine to prevent labor until 36 weeks and under specific instructions to remain on complete bed rest until 36 weeks.
Well, 36 weeks hit and Josh and I were excited to get things going. We walked almost every night, took 3 trips to the mall taking two laps each time, and started drinking teas that were supposed to induce labor. Needless to say, it didn’t exactly work. So finally, a day prior to 38 weeks, I just decided I was going to let God’s timing do its work and just sit and wait. Josh and I had made plans to go yard saling and have breakfast the morning of the 19th as one final “hoorah” before she was born but apparently Jesus and Raegan had different plans.
On November 19th at 2:45 in the morning, my eyes shot open as I felt a harsh cramp in my pelvis. I had originally thought that it was the result of some bad Chinese food we had eaten the night before so I went to the bathroom to try and see if it would help, no such luck. So, I went and started the five steps to check to see if it was indeed true labor. I got some water, ate a snack, walked around the house a bit, and finally went and laid back down. As soon as I was in bed, the pain got a little worse. I began timing the contractions and discovered that they were about 4-5 minutes apart. I was a little afraid to get excited because we had already had a few “this could be it” moments earlier in the week, but something in my gut told me that this was it this time. I had another contraction, which caused me to let out a pretty loud groan, which obviously woke Josh up. When he asked what was wrong I responded with, “I think we are having a baby today.” I texted my doula, Emily, to inform her of what was going on. She recommended we hang out at home for a while, but I think Josh and I were just too excited (turns out this was actually a smart move because according to the method we were using, you aren't supposed to go in until you are no longer able to talk through contractions. When I hit this point, an hour and a half later, she was here). He got showered and we finished packing our bag and we headed out. We ended up having to stop at the bank on the way and Josh wanted a coke so we also stopped at Quick Trip (also because I had to pee). I waddled over to the bathroom and while I was in there, the cashier looked at Josh and asked if I was okay and if we were on our way to the hospital. He wished us luck noting that he had already been through it four other times with his kids.
Once we got back on the road the contractions started to get a little worse. I dreaded bumps. However, the pain was definitely manageable. I didn’t feel like it was going to be a challenge later on. It was more uncomfortable and strange more than anything else. We got to the hospital and my contractions started to fizzle out a bit. Since it was so early in the morning, we had to go through the ER which we were both dreading because we had seen how busy and gross that area could get. What’s funny is there wasn’t a single soul in the place. Just me, Josh, and a nurse. She called L&D and they sent someone down to collect us. They triaged me and when they checked my cervix, I was 100 percent effaced but only 3.5 centimeters dilated. The nurse told me to try and take a walk for an hour to see what it may produce. We met up with Emily in the hallway as we began my walk. Emily did some squats with me to try and move Raegan’s head lower. It was funny because I would only ever have contractions in a certain hallway. After an hour had gone by, they checked my cervix again and I had progressed to about 5 centimeters so they decided to admit me. I remember feeling relieved, excited, and scared all at the same time.
When I got into the room we discovered that we had Judy again (we had originally met Judy during our preterm scare. She was a feisty older nurse who had been an L&D nurse for something crazy like 42 years). Judy checked all my vitals, my midwife came in to check on me as well as her student that was shadowing her, and then they gave me free reign to labor in whatever way necessary. Unfortunately, Emily had to leave for a wedding around 12pm, but she walked with us and helped us through contractions until she had to go. We all ate lunch together before she left. It was Subway. Which was funny because I had refused to eat lunch meat my entire pregnancy out of fear of catching listeria. Turns out it was never an issue.
After Emily left, the student midwife came in and checked my progress. I was disappointed to find out that I had only dilated another centimeter because the contractions were starting to really hurt. I had weird labor, having what they called "double peaking" contractions the whole time. Basically, my body would go longer between contractions, but then double up on them when I did actually have one. Not fun. I was still able to talk and joke in-between them, but they definitely were not comfortable. The only position that felt decent was leaned up against Josh with my face in his shoulder. Laying down, sitting, bouncing on the ball, squatting, nothing felt right. Josh was such an encouragement by the way; he was the perfect coach throughout the entire thing. I couldn’t have done it without him constantly whispering in my ear. It was such a beautiful and intimate thing to experience with him. I hadn’t felt closer.
Anyway, the midwife started talking to us about breaking my water for me so that things would speed up. I wasn’t sure I wanted to do that. I didn’t really have a good reason but I just wasn’t sure about it. Josh said he thought it was a good idea so we agreed that we would go ahead and do it. They put me in the bathtub for a while to try and give me a chance to rest and relax since breaking my water would make things happen really quickly. While in the bathtub, my contractions almost subsided for a while. I got ridiculously hungry halfway through my bath so I asked Josh for the rest of my sub sandwich. He didn’t want to give it to me because he had a feeling it was going to make me sick. I kept demanding the sandwich though so eventually he gave it to me. Literally right after I finished eating, my contractions started to come back and were REALLY uncomfortable. So I gave up on the bath and decided to get out and just bare the contractions. Josh was sitting on the bed waiting for me to get dressed. I invited my parents in to say hi since I didn’t think I was going to be having a baby for a while still. My dad was a little uncomfortable I think, so he left and my mom stayed.
Well, I finished getting dressed and walked over to Josh. I felt a contraction coming on so I braced myself on him as he started to talk me through it. This contraction was something else. It was the first time where I had actually thought to myself, “Uh oh… I am not sure I am going to be able to do this…” Right as the thought crossed my mind, my water broke. For some reason, I panicked thinking that it wasn’t right or something. Josh calmed me down and the nurses set me up to be monitored for 20 minutes to make sure baby was managing the water breaking okay. They put me on the bed and it hurt like hell. The contractions were starting to pile on every 1-2 minutes and they were unbearable. Poor Josh kept trying to talk me through them but I was starting to reach hysterical at this point. Finally my midwife came in and told the nurses that if the bed was too uncomfortable, let me stand and hold the monitors on me. So I braced myself on Josh again and buried my face in his shoulder. At this point I am sobbing into him and wailing from the pain. Every time I thought a contraction was done, another one would hit. Josh knew I was in transition but the midwife didn’t seem to think so because she kept saying things like, “Just a few more minutes on the monitor and we will get you back in the tub to make you comfortable again.” The pain started to become so constant and so intense that I was screaming. The midwife kept telling me to breathe it out instead of yell, but I literally could not help it. My body was literally responding to the pain by yelling. It was like every time my uterus tightened, my diaphragm also tightened. It was all I could do-yell and cry.
We were in the last minute of monitoring when I popped my head up and yelled, “I think I have to poop.” At this point, the student midwife looked a bit shocked, and asked the nurses to go retrieve Lisa, my other midwife. Actually, she got this panicked look on her face and said, “I need Lisa. NOW.” She then looked at me and said, “No, you don’t need to poop, your baby is coming.” The student midwife put me on the bed and checked my cervix (which I screamed bloody murder throughout. I’m pretty sure that anyone thinking of becoming a mommy at some point in their lives changed their mind if they happened to walk past my room in that moment). She told me I was only at a 9 but I essentially told her that I didn’t care and that I needed to push NOW. With saying that, she decided to check me again not but a minute later and I was at a 10.
I started pushing, but only little pushes because I was just so exhausted and I was horribly afraid of tearing. Lisa came in at this point and got everything ready to catch little Raegan. My body was so exhausted that I was falling asleep between pushes. The student midwife kept trying to give me advice to which I responded with, “I am so sorry, but could you please stop talking.” I really didn’t want to push at this point. I just wanted to close my eyes and sleep forever. I even asked if the contractions alone would get baby out, unfortunately, no such luck. Apparently, I also asked for a c-section at this point, also with no luck. As I was trying to gather myself, they noticed that Raegan’s heart rate was starting to drop. They flipped me over onto my left side to try and take some pressure off of her. Well, being that my right hip is a mess from a surgery I had to get years before, it started to cramp and I begged for them to flip me over. When I flipped to the other side, her heart rate dropped even more. I really was unaware of the seriousness of what was happening so I refused to flip back over. At this point, Josh grabbed my shoulders and said, “I don’t care if it hurts, this is for our baby, flip over.” I was way too exhausted to fight back so I flipped over and started to push with everything I had, mainly because baby needed out but also because the faster I worked, the faster my hip could relax. I gave one big push and started to feel the burning. I gave another and started to feel the tearing. I gave one more, and next thing I knew, Josh was placing our beautiful baby girl on my belly. Immediately, all the pain was gone. Josh was sobbing next to me while telling me how proud he was and admiring our perfect little girl. She was literally perfect. I had never seen a more beautiful newborn. She didn’t even cry, she gave these little soft sweet squeaks and whimpers. I will never forget those little noises. So precious and so gentle. I immediately knew in that moment that she was going to be gentle, like her daddy. She was beautiful.
She had a very short cord. I wanted to be able to nurse immediately, but she couldn't reach past my belly. After the cord stopped pulsing, they took her away to weigh her and check her out and my midwife delivered my placenta and stitched me up (which took about 45 minutes, our little baby did some serious work). I had never felt more exhausted yet alive in my life. I kept falling in and out of sleep, as family came in and out to meet our beautiful little gift. Finally, once she was warm and bathed and received her first shots, it was my turn. They placed her in my arms, she fell asleep, and the rest is history :)
She was so tiny compared to her brother, I had forgotten just how petite she was. You guys make beautiful babies and I love you both! Love, Mom
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