Why I Don't Watch Love Movies

“So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day."

Name that movie... if you guessed Noah from The Notebook, you are just as much a sap as I am! How many of you have watched this movie more times that you can count? Then you will be happy to know that it is *NUMBER 1* on many "most romantic movie" lists.

10 years ago (am I already old enough to say that!?), I was a swooning teenager who couldn't get enough of these love movies. I watched them constantly, memorized the lines, prayed that God would bring me a prince or at least a polite Englishman (ha), and couldn't wait until I would meet "the one" and he would sweep me off my feet and we would live happily ever after.

 "I kneel before you not as a prince, but as a man in love... But I would feel like a king if you, Danielle de Barbarac, would be my wife." 

- Ever After

Then Daniel came along. A long-haired, motorcycle-riding, rough-housing, trouble-making, never-had-a-long-term-girlfriend kind of guy. And I fell HARD. We were long-distance (how romantic!), and I looked forward to the phone calls and emails that professed his undying love for me. But the problem was, they did not say the things that I expected- the things that I wanted and dreamed of. Why? He wasn't doing this right.

 "You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how."

- Gone With the Wind

After many disappointing conversations and visits, I started investigating. I knew I loved him, but he wasn't all that I expected. And our relationship wasn't like the movies. WASN'T LIKE THE MOVIES! That's it! I wanted Daniel to say these jaw-dropping one-liners that I was used to. The ones that made me want to melt into his arms and kiss him. The ones that gave me warm fuzzies all over and butterflies in my stomach.

“Winning that ticket, Rose, was the best thing that ever happened to me… it brought me to you..." -Titanic

And then I came to a painful realization- my husband (boyfriend) was not an actor, and we were not in a movie. He was not reading a script of the perfect thing to say or being instructed to look wistfully into my eyes. Or how about the kiss where they hold your face? Don't get shy, I know that you all know what I'm talking about! And why didn't Daniel do any of these things? Because he is a REAL man. What I mean by that is that he is not in a movie. Because here's the kicker - real men are not like men in the movies. I know- super disappointing. Go cry now and rejoin me when you're ready. 

“Isabella Swan, I promise to love you every moment of forever.” 

- Twilight

So this is where I came to the conclusion that movies, books, shows... all of those things were feeding my mind an incorrect view of what a man is and what a man should be. And yes, men can be romantic at times and sweep you off your feet, but they're not always good at it. They don't say the right thing at the right time. They don't see the moment in a fight (like you do) where they could tell you to shut up and grab your face and kiss you...and all your anger melts away (am I right?). They don't always plan spontaneous dates and getaways, or cuddle how you'd like, or woo you into the bedroom... and let me be the one to tell you, IT'S OKAY.
  

“You erased me from your memories because you thought you were holding me back from having a full and happy life. But you made a mistake. Being with you is the only way I could have a full and happy life. You’re the girl of my dreams… and apparently, I’m the man of yours.”

- 50 First Dates

Now don't get me wrong, my husband has every ability to be romantic and sweep me off my feet. And those are glorious moments! But the right man for you will not say all the right things all the time, he will simply say that he loves you and will always be committed to you. He will not make all the fights better, but he will pray over your relationship and ask God to direct his steps. He will not run to you from afar in slow motion, but he will be overjoyed in his own way to see you return. 
 

"I would rather have tasted her lips just once, touched her skin, one time, and made love to her for one night, than spend the rest of my life without ever knowing that." 

-City of Angels

Some men have a quiet and fierce love- it's a comfortable love. Daniel and I have now been together for 8 years, so there's not as many fireworks and butterflies, but I never doubt his love for me. He often says the wrong things (sorry, babe), but he tries (or he's just looking for a laugh and we both . He works hard to provide for our family, he sees my needs and does his best to meet them, he loves our child, he trusts God with the direction of our life. He is everything that I need him to be and everything that God created him to be. He is "the one" for me.                     

                        "I'd rather die tomorrow than live a hundred years without knowing you."

                                                           - John Smith in Pocahontas

So I have stopped watching love movies. I haven't seen a love movie in a long time... I'm not sure how long. Every once in awhile I'll drag him to one, but afterwards I usually feel unsettled and left wanting. Sometimes I'll catch a chick-flick with friends, but I try not to because it makes me feel less-than. Early in our marriage, Daniel would come home from work and I would tell him all the things he wasn't doing right, or that I didn't feel loved, or that I needed more from him- usually just meaningless complaining. Looking at me with understanding, he would say "Babe, did you watch a love movie today? Remember, I'll try my best, but I can never be that guy". And he was right. He wasn't doing it all wrong, he just wasn't the perfect man I just saw on TV. And he shouldn't have to be that guy.

"I guarantee there’ll be tough times; I guarantee that at some point, one, or both of us is gonna wanna get out of this thing; But I also guarantee, that if I don’t ask you to be mine, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life... because I know in my heart, that you’re the only one for me."

-Runaway Bride

Ladies, we are holding men to much too high of standards now-a-days. Now, don't get me wrong- there are certain standards for a husband that should always be upheld and never compromised- but being insanely romantic and expecting wonderful quotes is not only unfair to them, but more of a fantasy. Movies have led us to believe that unless our man is like Noah (or Jack, Henry, or Edward) he is not good enough. And THIS IS WRONG. Please don't hold your man to standards that he will never be able to live up to because it simply may not be him- or who God called him to be. 

  "A name makes no matter to me, as long as I can call you my own."

- A Knight's Tale

 
So, if you can fill your mind with love movies, books, quotes, scenes... and not have unrealistic expectations of a man, then by all means, do it. But I cannot. And I choose not to fight that battle. Heck, I even got frustrated once that my husband is not from the South with that awesome accent! Ha! It doesn't work in this household to expect something of my husband that he is not. He knows what I want and what I need, and he does his best to provide it. He wants me to feel loved and cared for, and he strives to do that. 

"I would rather fight with you than make love to anyone else."
- The Wedding Date

Single ladies, please focus on what REALLY matters when looking for a husband. Not his accent, his words, or the fact that he built you the exact white house with blue shutters that you dreamed about together years earlier (get the reference?). I challenge you to stop watching the love movies, and discover what a real man is.

And married ladies, TELL HIM WHAT YOU NEED. Don't expect him to "magically know" like all the men in the movies do! Men are not as emotional as we are- they usually don't pick up on cues and just don't know! Be black and white with them, and tell them what you want and need. You will both appreciate it in the end. I challenge you to stop watching the love movies- and learn to love your husband for who he is.

"Why do you want to marry me anyhow? So I can kiss you anytime I want!"

- Sweet Home Alabama