Our First Year- 14 Lessons I've Learned

 Today I have a one-year-old.

Really?!?

One year ago today I was in a hospital bed struggling to deliver my baby after 4 long days of labor and a couple transfers. It was the day that my life would change forever. It gave me a new job, a new identity, and a new meaning to life.

Over the past year of parenthood, I have discovered a few things that I would love to share with other young mothers. Lessons that I have learned both the easy and the hard way- lessons that pushed me to the end of myself and into the arms of our Savior. Some are funny, some are tough. But if you can take a little bit of advice or encouragement from it, that makes it all worth it.

Body image isn't everything. I've written on this before in my Scars and Flaws post. In this life, we have been tricked into thinking that how we look determines who we are. That if you are overweight, you must not care about yourself. That if you are too done up, you're vain. Well let me tell you ladies, when you come out of the battlefield of labor with stretch marks, bloating, baby weight, and multiple other things, it's not very pretty. And on top of that, you jump into feedings every 2 hours (or less if you're lucky), no sleep, nerves that are completely fried, and a small human who you must keep alive. Motherhood is fun, isn't it? So let me tell you, give yourself a break. I'm still not to my "pre-baby weight" at a year post-partum. And sometimes I would rather take a nap with her that workout. Or introduce her to her first ice cream cone. Or have a drink with my husband. I want to be me. The "perfect body" will come with time, whether that means losing weight or just accepting myself as I am. I am a mother now, and my main priority is keeping this little human alive and nurturing her as she grows.

A pink ball for Uncle Trev.

 Get in a mommy group ASAP. I went to my first mommy group at 37 weeks pregnant. I didn't go to another group until she was about 5 weeks old, and even that was hard. You're afraid that you won't be able to calm your baby when she cries, that breastfeeding in front of everyone will be embarrassing, that you'll forget a bottle or a pacifier or a diaper. NEWSFLASH- the mommies don't care! We're all dealing with the same fears and insecurities. Sometimes yelling at each other over our crying babies were the best conversations we had. We swap advice and tips, we check in on each other and how the sleeping is going. We share food, laughter, tears (LOTS of tears) and encouragement. We all feel like the worse mom in the world at some point, and when we finally conquer at something, the rest are proud and excited! My group of mommy friends is so diverse. One is a military mom. One is a photographer. One is a pageant queen. One is a teacher. One is a nutritionist. One knows everything about wine you would ever want to know! A handful of us are "just" stay-at-home-moms. Some have degrees, others don't. Some are single. Some are in their twenties, and some are nearing 40. We don't have much in common besides the fact that we are all new mothers and we all need each other. Ladies, you NEED mommy friends.

Mother's Intuition is a REAL thing. We know our babies better than anyone else. When something happens and you feel uneasy, trust yourself. Yes, sometimes you might just be acting like an overbearing fearful mom, and other times you just might be plain RIGHT. I was reading an article on lip ties and tongue ties a few months back while Piper was sleeping. It hit me like a ton of blocks: PIPER HAS THIS! I had never checked- it never even crossed my mind. But I KNEW. When she woke up, I checked her mouth. Yep, I was right. She had both a tongue tie and a lip tie (more on this in a later post). If you feel uneasy, do your research, talk to other moms, and go from there. But trust your intuition- God gave it to us for a reason!

Hot pink everything!

Saying NO is hard. I'm talking about discipline here. My child has reached the age where we have to tell her not to open and close cabinets, pull on cords, hit the dogs, eat the dog food, climb on the rocking chair, bang on the tv.....and on and on the list goes. As much as I have always believed that I would be a strict and no-nonsense mom, it's not easy to say no. It's hard to be having a fun and playful day, and then have to switch to discipline. I don't like discipline, but in order to have the well-behaved children and adults that we are responsible to raise, we must be consistent. Children thrive within boundaries and it is very rare that they are "too young" to understand. My husband says "we can spend 3 days breaking the habit now, or 3 years trying to correct her all the time". I want children that are nice to be around. I'll sacrifice a few days of hard discipline for a life time of good behavior. 

Stop comparing yourself to everyone else. And stop judging them too. Your baby is different than any other baby, and you are different than any other mom. God has chosen YOU to parent your child, so it's hard to do it wrong. Take the advice that fits with your life, philosophy, and family. Leave the rest for someone else. My mother recently told me that the moment you accept this, your child starts school. Then it starts all over- there's the pretty mom, the working mom, the fun mom, the fit mom, the cupcake mom. Some give all, some give nothing, and there's lots in between. DO what works for you. The only person you have to answer to is your husband and your God. Be confident in yourself and who you are!

  
There is always more to give. This is hard to believe, but let me remind you of something... remember when baby was brand new and you finally sunk into bed after a full day up with  cranky baby... you finally closed your eyes and you were sure they would never open. Your body ached with tiredness and you felt like you may not move for days. Then the baby cries out. What happens? You eyes pop open and you're out of bed faster than a bolt of lightning. Remember that? I never liked the saying "God never gives us more than we can handle" because it's untrue. I believe that God ALWAYS gives us more than we can handle because that's when we choose to lean on him, the ultimate giver. So when you feel like you can't go on, just remember that you can. Keep giving, and he'll keep filling you up again.

Her first time playing at a splash pad = SUCCESS!

Hurting for your children is no joke. I have already experienced this once, and I know this is just the beginning. Something that I feel is hurting my child (even though she doesn't understand) and I have no control over it. My little sister, and Piper's second favorite person in the world, moved across the world last month. It tore my heart to see her go (and she is now a military wife- so she may always be away from us!), but I also hurt for my child. I knew she would no longer see Hahna coming into her room in the morning. No longer cuddle on the couch and take pictures with her. She wouldn't reach for Hahna anymore. I love my sister and my daughter both so much, that I my heart swelled because of their bond. This was the first time that I felt like my daughter may be missing something amazing in her life. And on that same note...

I can't protect her from everything. Not only can I not protect her from hurt, but I can't protect her physically all the time either. She will get hurt in life- emotionally, physically, spiritually. She will endure death and disease, poverty and hate. I wish I could put her in a little bubble and keep her in her bedroom all the time. I wish she would always stay as pure and innocent as she is right now. But that's not what life is about. She needs to experience things and learn for herself. She needs to become independent, and lean on God, not on me. Right now, this lesson is only coming in the form of tummy aches, bumps and bruises. And even those are hard. I'm afraid this will be a lesson for the rest of my life.

The transparent wrapping paper from Dave and Remy!

 Learn to learn at almost everything. She has pooped through her clothes at church, tried to undress me in front of strangers, splashed bath water everywhere, thrown food everywhere, slept and not slept, and many more things. Daniel and I have learned to laugh at the small things that she is discovering as she experiences life. Sometimes if we don't laugh, we'll cry. So we try to laugh. It also helps to bring light and joy into our home.

You CAN still have a life with a baby. I didn't say it was the same life. Just A life. You will get to the point where you can leave the baby with family or with a sister and go on a hot date. You will figure out how to make baby nap in a carrier while on vacation. You will still go to parties, weddings, and church events (with or without baby!). Life will be different, but this IS your life now. It will never be dull or boring again- it is full of surprises and each step holds something new. You will learn to be parents at certain times, and lovers at others. Your relationships will change. Some may take more work, others you will fall into very naturally. This new life will be your life from now on- and it will feel normal very soon.

Yes, those are mini-plush Star Wars characters and a light saber. Thanks to Uncle Randy. And she's wearing her new Keens from Grandma and Paps!

Don't sweat the small stuff. There's no use crying or spilled milk. Unless it's breast milk- then you have my permission to let the rivers flow. Your dirty kitchen, 3-day-old hair, unmade bed... they won't matter years from now. Yes, I still try to keep a nice home and tidy life, but sometimes I just need to cuddle my girl at bedtime instead of leaving quickly to get the dishes done.

Do sweat the small stuff. I know, I just said to NOT sweat it. By this small stuff, I mean the things that baby does. Remember that when she smiles, she will never NOT know how to smile again. She will never NOT crawl or NOT walk again. Or NOT have teeth! I have tried to savor and cherish every tiny milestone- even if it seemed insignificant. I have watched her form countless hours over the last year as she grows and changes, and although I didn't miss one thing, I still feel like I did because she changed so fast! Don't ignore these little ones, because before we know it they are grown!

I don't remember life before baby. After I gave birth, I hated this saying. I DEFINITELY remembered life before her. It included lots of SLEEP, fun vacations, late nights, junk food, impromptu date nights, camping, adventures.... you name it. I remembered! And I didn't appreciate that this little person had taken that all away from us so quickly. I struggled with this. But as she grew older and began to respond to us, smile, crawl, laugh, play... we suddenly couldn't remember what we DID before her. Now, weeknights are filled with family dinners, walks in the park, bath time, playing on the floor with toys, laughter, exploring, and cuddles. What did we do before her? Watch TV? Weekends consist of family chores, maybe some shopping, more playing, more eating, and Sunday naps-for all of us. The only thing I can remember from weekends before was going out to eat! What DID we do?! As I sit here today, I finally understand this saying and I have to concur.  

We told everyone there was no need for presents- and this is what happened!

There is nothing like seeing life through a child's eyes. There is nothing like seeing life through a child's eyes! Have you ever watched their face as they touch water for the first time? Or sit in grass? Or hear a dog bark or an airplane fly overhead? The first time they hear the door open and realize that Dada is home from work. There are so many more that I can't list them all! I have so much more appreciation, patience, and joy for life as I watch her experience things for the first time. Every sight and sound becomes magical. I have never loved zoos and aquariums so much! I feel overwhelmed that I get to experience life for the first time again, through my daughter's eyes.

What I life I have. As I sit here now, I don't want to take another moment for granted. I have been given the most beautiful and unique gift, and I get to live life with her! Lucky Me.

Happy Birthday Pip. Mommy would be lost without you.


P.S. Here is our good friend and worship pastor, Randy (see Star Wars picture above), singing a song that he wrote for Piper around Christmas. This song perfectly embodies the way this little girl has mesmerized and changed all of us over the last year. Enjoy- and tell me what you think.