generation of my husband’s family name to be passed down. Everyone was stoked, including me but I had so many mixed feelings, especially about what to expect after he came. I was always super athletic and able to go and do anything I wanted to and now I would have a child in tow. I was afraid and anxious and had no one to turn to, mainly because I thought, what Mom could ever think that way about her precious gift? So what did I do? I put a smile on my face and told everyone how thrilled I was to have him, when deep down I was hesitant.
Well the day came and he arrived and my entire family was there to welcome him. When I held him the first time I knew I loved him but something was missing. There was no instant bond, no warm fuzzy feelings and even worse, I didn’t feel depressed.
I thought to myself, 'what the heck is wrong with me?'. Everyone else I knew instantly loved, and
nurtured their newborns and here I was looking at him, saying how cute he was but it felt like he was
someone else’s child: a close relative but not mine. I didn’t get it. I wanted children; I loved children, so what was this all about.
Even after a few weeks of being home, I still hadn’t felt that bonding that I knew should be there. Everything else was going great. My life had become a routine of baby things and I was completely fine with that but still I felt a little distant from Landon. It wasn’t until a close family member lost their patience with him and made me feel like he could instantly be hurt or gone that I bonded with him. That was nearly a month in to his existence!!!! BUT finally I felt like I could breathe. I BONDED with him!!!
So why doesn’t anyone talk about this? I have asked many new Mommas if they ever have had this feeling and it was overwhelming how many felt this way. I wasn’t alone this entire time but I was too ashamed of what others would say or think that I kept it to myself.
Because of this I was so worried when I found myself expecting baby #2; thinking here we go again!
But this time, with my daughter it was completely opposite. I instantly bonded with her the second she was in my arms, it was love, adoration and so many warm and fuzzy feelings and it felt AMAZING!
So if you find yourself in the category of not bonding with your little ones. Please don’t be so hard on
yourself and give yourself some time and a little break. Your body just went from yours alone to sharing that space with someone else. And then from living your own life with just your husband, to sharing everything with the little one. But I promise that bond will come. Seek someone out who has felt the same feelings and vent!
Oh and you ask how my relationship is with my son? It is phenomenal…he is my world and the most
amazing little man I could ever have ask for!
I remember when I "bonded" with Samuel. He was 7 days old and I'll never forget the feeling. I was sitting in my room rocking him and out of nowhere my heart jumped in my chest! I felt like I'd been hit in the back and everything in me was going to come out of my chest to embrace his entire body. It wasn't until that moment that I really understood how much I was going to love him and how much I had been loved by my parents for all of my life. It was incredible. I'm so glad that moment finally came for you!
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