Have you read, or maybe taken, those little quizzes going around online asking you "What kind of Mom are you?" or "How crunchy are you" or "Are you a granola mom?". I always look at them and try to take them or figure out what category I belong in, and I never can! I'm all over the place! I used to think I was a 'granola' mom, and then I met a granola mom and realized that I am NOT one. So here's a little insight into what and who I am...
I planned a natural birth center birth, but ended up in the hospital with an epidural, pitocin, and barely avoided a c-section.
I breastfed for as long as I possibly could, then switched her to donor milk, formula, and later cow's milk.
I babywear as often as possible- though it is harder when the baby becomes an active toddler!
We don't cosleep.
I use essential oils and herbs every day.
We practice Baby-Led Weaning instead of purees, but that may be a little because of laziness too...
We left the baby for the first time overnight at 3 months old. I didn't want to, but I believed in the importance of investing in my marriage first, and it was our anniversary!
She already has "chores". They are helping Daddy take out the trash, helping to feed the dogs, picking up toys after herself, and helping with Mommy's chores!
She is in a rear-facing car seat in my car, but I don't freak out if she is going with someone who only has a forward-facing seat.
I let her watch TV.
We didn't use cloth diapers, but I am not opposed to it with any future babies.
I'm convinced that Apple Cider Vinegar, Aloe Vera, and Coconut oil can cure/heal almost anything.
Sometimes we just have to eat crackers and kettle corn all day.
I just started making my own wipes and I am so in love with them!!! But the diaper bag still usually has store bought ones...
She has a pretty strict bedtime, because I am a big believer in sleep AND alone time with Daddy!
We built her a "Learning Tower" to be able to help with kitchen duties.
I believe in co-parenting with my husband and making decisions together, but I also support him to be the ultimate authority in our home.
We have plastic toys.
She's only had one vaccination, and if it was up to me she probably wouldn't have any more, because I didn't have any either!
She mainly drinks water, but she's had chocolate milk and apple juice (and one time Sprite for an upset tummy!), but she's really a water girl.
We believe in discipline. Our job is not to make her comfortable or happy, it is to raise confident and respectful adults who will one day live and thrive in the REAL world.
I can't remember the last time we bought her a toy. I have a laundry basket full of toys from her birthday and Christmas that we have no intention of giving her- at least not any time soon. They may find their way into the donation bin. She doesn't need more toys!
That being said, she does have a "toy" room, because the ones we let out have tried to take over the house!
She eats sugar, and sometimes lots of it. And then she's really funny.
My favorite go-to medicines are Hylands tablets and Arnica cream (for the boo boos), but I'm not against some ibuprofen for fevers or tough teething nights (or a long flight! Anyone with me?).
She gets garlic oil and probiotics every night before bed.
So, what kind of Mom am I? What category do I fit into?
I usually stay on the side of natural, but over the last year and a half of parenting, I've discovered how very difficult each unique situation is when you are faced with it. Although I was always anti-epidural and anti-formula, I had to use them to keep us both alive and safe. I spent sleepless nights and long days regretting and beating myself up for some of the decisions that I had to make. I had a hard time forgiving myself the first time I gave her ibuprofen to calm the teething pain and help her sleep.
So after all of this, I have decided that I am just ME. I can't fit myself in a box that someone else has created, and I can't compare myself to other moms and the decisions that they have made for their babies. I am not a "good mom" or a "bad mom", I am just Piper's mom. and God has chosen ME, little ole' me, to parent her, raise her, and lead her on the correct path.
Ahhhh, how relieving that feels! I don't know what our future holds or what new decisions I will make today or tomorrow. I do not know if the next way will be "natural" or not. But I know that I have been given the knowledge and tools to discern and use my best judgement for what would benefit my child the most. And sometimes, what just may be the most fun :).
Don't compare yourself to other moms or try to be something that you are not. It is exhausting and more stress than you should take on as a busy mother! Just be YOU, and then you're baby will fit right in.
Monday, March 3, 2014
Friday, February 21, 2014
A New Baby and Handling Relationships- What We Would Have Done Differently
Yesterday I got together with my "mom friends" and we sat around soaking up some warm sun, sipping on drinks, munching on cookies, and watching our babies play (and fight) together. As usual with this awesome group, our conversation turned to labor, birth, breastfeeding, and parenting. We retold some of our birth stories (for the hundredth time!) and shared some lessons we each learned in our first experience of becoming a mother. I figured I would recount some of those here for you now, and hopefully it can give you some tips and insight for the first days and weeks of becoming a mother!
1) If your family is out of town and wants to come visit for the birth, you should consider having them visit shortly AFTER birth. For some women this won't work, because they have the dream of having their mom there for labor and delivery. You will know what you want best, BUT many of the moms I sat around with said they would have preferred their family coming after the baby was born. Since you don't usually know the exact date of arrival, the days leading up can be nerve-wracking, and having people stare at your every contraction wondering if "it's time"can get old. One friend also said that her parents planned in staying for a month, and once the baby came, they had less than a week left. She would have preferred their presence and help once the baby had arrived.
2) REALLY limit who is allowed to visit you in the hospital. Many people only allow family, and have friends visit later at home. Although one of my friend's has a very large Mexican family for her in-laws, so this was nearly impossible for her and she wished it had been different. She struggled with the fact that the entire family wanted to be there for every moment while she learned to breastfeed and comfort, and while she was healing from natural childbirth. She also said she had a relative become offended that she asked her to wait a few minutes to come in while she breastfed. Which leads me to the next point...
3) Don't be afraid of hurting people's feelings. I am not saying to blatantly tell them 'no' or turn them away, I am just saying that this is an extremely new experience in your life and you have no idea how you will feel or act until you're in it. If you need to ask everyone to leave, then do it. If you need to turn people away and just be with your husband and child, do it. You are so fragile and vulnerable during this time and you need peace, quiet, and comfort. You may hurt some feelings (which is absurd in itself, because YOU just had the baby!), but you can't worry about that in the few precious moments of getting to know your baby. THIS is your new job, and THIS is the little one you now need to do right by. Do what you need to do.
4) Ask a friend or family member to set up a Food Tidings webpage for your friends and family to sign up to bring you meals. Share it on Facebook and by email. After we had Piper, we had two weeks straight of meals provided! Some friends even went over and above, bringing one-handed snacks for the days when Daddy was back at work. If you ask Daniel, he will still tell you that this was the best part of having a baby! We felt so loved and taken care of, and we were sure to provide this as a time for our friends to meet the baby (instead of the hospital). Some of my friends only had 1 or 2 meals provided, so I am so thankful for our supportive group!
5) Connect with other mom friends. These are the women who will understand and support you in those first few days. They will drop food off on your porch and text you about it, knowing that you are probably sleeping, but will need to be fed. They are the ones who will visit you for the first time WITHOUT their kids, because they know how hectic kids can be around a new baby- and a new mom! They will have the tips and tricks for colic, explosive diapers, and sleepless nights. HOPEFULLY, these are the ones who will understand when you are forgetful, tired, and drained in these first few weeks, and they will not hold it against you! Sometimes, these moms will be your lifeline.
1) If your family is out of town and wants to come visit for the birth, you should consider having them visit shortly AFTER birth. For some women this won't work, because they have the dream of having their mom there for labor and delivery. You will know what you want best, BUT many of the moms I sat around with said they would have preferred their family coming after the baby was born. Since you don't usually know the exact date of arrival, the days leading up can be nerve-wracking, and having people stare at your every contraction wondering if "it's time"can get old. One friend also said that her parents planned in staying for a month, and once the baby came, they had less than a week left. She would have preferred their presence and help once the baby had arrived.
2) REALLY limit who is allowed to visit you in the hospital. Many people only allow family, and have friends visit later at home. Although one of my friend's has a very large Mexican family for her in-laws, so this was nearly impossible for her and she wished it had been different. She struggled with the fact that the entire family wanted to be there for every moment while she learned to breastfeed and comfort, and while she was healing from natural childbirth. She also said she had a relative become offended that she asked her to wait a few minutes to come in while she breastfed. Which leads me to the next point...
3) Don't be afraid of hurting people's feelings. I am not saying to blatantly tell them 'no' or turn them away, I am just saying that this is an extremely new experience in your life and you have no idea how you will feel or act until you're in it. If you need to ask everyone to leave, then do it. If you need to turn people away and just be with your husband and child, do it. You are so fragile and vulnerable during this time and you need peace, quiet, and comfort. You may hurt some feelings (which is absurd in itself, because YOU just had the baby!), but you can't worry about that in the few precious moments of getting to know your baby. THIS is your new job, and THIS is the little one you now need to do right by. Do what you need to do.
4) Ask a friend or family member to set up a Food Tidings webpage for your friends and family to sign up to bring you meals. Share it on Facebook and by email. After we had Piper, we had two weeks straight of meals provided! Some friends even went over and above, bringing one-handed snacks for the days when Daddy was back at work. If you ask Daniel, he will still tell you that this was the best part of having a baby! We felt so loved and taken care of, and we were sure to provide this as a time for our friends to meet the baby (instead of the hospital). Some of my friends only had 1 or 2 meals provided, so I am so thankful for our supportive group!
5) Connect with other mom friends. These are the women who will understand and support you in those first few days. They will drop food off on your porch and text you about it, knowing that you are probably sleeping, but will need to be fed. They are the ones who will visit you for the first time WITHOUT their kids, because they know how hectic kids can be around a new baby- and a new mom! They will have the tips and tricks for colic, explosive diapers, and sleepless nights. HOPEFULLY, these are the ones who will understand when you are forgetful, tired, and drained in these first few weeks, and they will not hold it against you! Sometimes, these moms will be your lifeline.
Just a few little things to get you thinking. Feel free to ask any questions concerning these situations, and the moms and I will be sure to give you the best responses from our own experiences!
And here's a cute pictures of our babies booties and what they were doing while we chatted. Gardening, of course!
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Why We Don't Do Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day is this week.
That means that my Facebook feed is about to be filled with people dressed in pink and red, pictures of heart shaped cookies and chocolate, status updates of "Tommy brought me home balloons!", and everyone sharing how and why they love their partners. That last part I don't mind so much, but yes, I am mocking the rest.
Valentine's Day has become a "Hallmark Holiday"- what I mean by this is that it is a holiday that Hallmark has made big enough to sell more cards, buy more junk, and spend more money. It's origins are from Saint Valentine, but many people have even forgotten that! It has turned into a day to show your love to your special someone, but I think we have taken it too far. Now, there are expectations on this day- mainly from the females. "He better buy me flowers, and I want TWO dozen this year". "I hope he remembers my favorite chocolates and stocks up". "Did he get reservations at that fancy restaurant yet?" "I wonder if he'll get that hotel room I've been hinting at". And sadly if he forgets or doesn't make those reservations, his female is usually very disappointed and it goes down as an unsuccessful holiday.
My husband is an amazing man, but he is not known for being incredibly thoughtful. We're different (Well, Amen). I discovered this when I met him at 17 years old, and the last thing I wanted to do was set him up for failure. It was then that we decided together to not celebrate Valentine's Day (plus, long distance...but that's another post!). I didn't want him to feel pressured to buy me something pretty by a specific date, and I didn't want to feel disappointed if he DIDN'T buy me anything! It was unfair to both of us.
I told him that I would prefer to get flowers on a random day to show his love. I would love a surprise night out, or plan a night at a hotel. But I didn't want him to do it because he HAD to do something fabulous for Valentine's Day. I wanted him to do it because he wanted to show his love for me whenever! This was probably a bigger challenge than Valentine's Day....whoops. But the few times that he has shown up at home with flowers, the payoff is big. And when he was at the laundromat last week and came home with a box of thin mints (and he doesn't like them), it was better than any holiday. And sometimes he'll run to the store and come back with two different kinds of ice cream (both of which he doesn't like) because he didn't know what I felt like that night. And when he asks "want to sit by the fire tonight?", and we sip our wine and talk and laugh while the flames crackle. And when I get home and he has DONE THE DISHES....well, you get the idea!
The point is to challenge ourselves to be romantic and attentive to our partner in everyday life, not just when a holiday comes around. If you are scrambling around for the perfect gift for the next two days, you're doing it all wrong. Let your partner off the hook, and drop the expectations, so when a surprise comes along, you will be thrilled!
There is nothing wrong with Valentine's Day. It's an awesome opportunity to express your love for your partner. I have nothing against it, and I do plan on making heart shaped cookies with my daughter (because it kills some time!) and helping her make a homemade card for Daddy. I will use Valentine's Day to shower some love on my child, because there is no expectation from her, just joy! And Daniel and I might go out this weekend- not on Friday, and not because we need to celebrate Valentine's Day, but because we have a gift card for pizza and love being together. Because we want to celebrate us being us.
That means that my Facebook feed is about to be filled with people dressed in pink and red, pictures of heart shaped cookies and chocolate, status updates of "Tommy brought me home balloons!", and everyone sharing how and why they love their partners. That last part I don't mind so much, but yes, I am mocking the rest.
Valentine's Day has become a "Hallmark Holiday"- what I mean by this is that it is a holiday that Hallmark has made big enough to sell more cards, buy more junk, and spend more money. It's origins are from Saint Valentine, but many people have even forgotten that! It has turned into a day to show your love to your special someone, but I think we have taken it too far. Now, there are expectations on this day- mainly from the females. "He better buy me flowers, and I want TWO dozen this year". "I hope he remembers my favorite chocolates and stocks up". "Did he get reservations at that fancy restaurant yet?" "I wonder if he'll get that hotel room I've been hinting at". And sadly if he forgets or doesn't make those reservations, his female is usually very disappointed and it goes down as an unsuccessful holiday.
My husband is an amazing man, but he is not known for being incredibly thoughtful. We're different (Well, Amen). I discovered this when I met him at 17 years old, and the last thing I wanted to do was set him up for failure. It was then that we decided together to not celebrate Valentine's Day (plus, long distance...but that's another post!). I didn't want him to feel pressured to buy me something pretty by a specific date, and I didn't want to feel disappointed if he DIDN'T buy me anything! It was unfair to both of us.
I told him that I would prefer to get flowers on a random day to show his love. I would love a surprise night out, or plan a night at a hotel. But I didn't want him to do it because he HAD to do something fabulous for Valentine's Day. I wanted him to do it because he wanted to show his love for me whenever! This was probably a bigger challenge than Valentine's Day....whoops. But the few times that he has shown up at home with flowers, the payoff is big. And when he was at the laundromat last week and came home with a box of thin mints (and he doesn't like them), it was better than any holiday. And sometimes he'll run to the store and come back with two different kinds of ice cream (both of which he doesn't like) because he didn't know what I felt like that night. And when he asks "want to sit by the fire tonight?", and we sip our wine and talk and laugh while the flames crackle. And when I get home and he has DONE THE DISHES....well, you get the idea!
The point is to challenge ourselves to be romantic and attentive to our partner in everyday life, not just when a holiday comes around. If you are scrambling around for the perfect gift for the next two days, you're doing it all wrong. Let your partner off the hook, and drop the expectations, so when a surprise comes along, you will be thrilled!
There is nothing wrong with Valentine's Day. It's an awesome opportunity to express your love for your partner. I have nothing against it, and I do plan on making heart shaped cookies with my daughter (because it kills some time!) and helping her make a homemade card for Daddy. I will use Valentine's Day to shower some love on my child, because there is no expectation from her, just joy! And Daniel and I might go out this weekend- not on Friday, and not because we need to celebrate Valentine's Day, but because we have a gift card for pizza and love being together. Because we want to celebrate us being us.
Friday, January 10, 2014
My Favorite Posts of 2013
Now that we have listed the TOP 10 posts from 2013, don't mind
if I list MY FAVORITES from the last year- they are posts that I either
felt passionate about or inspired me on this blogging journey.
This
is where it all started... the blog and my journey into motherhood.
This was my first post, and of course the one I feel most affectionate
about because it is my story.
This
one was inspired by the teeny-boppers (yes, I said that) on Facebook
that are constantly posting things like "you know he loves you when he
plays with your hair" or "you're special to him when he lets you drive
his truck". Let's stop feeding our girls and women lies about men, and
let them be who God created them to be.
This
post has received quite a bit of traffic- I think it's because she has
lots of friends! Not only was it was my speech at her wedding, but it
was also somewhat of a goodbye letter as she moved to Japan just a few
weeks after her wedding. She is still there and will be for at least
another year or two- hoping to see her soon!
This
may have been my favorite post (and my favorite event) of the entire
year! It was so much fun to reach out, surprise, and invest in others.
As an adult now, birthdays can be strange and disappointing. If you do
anything new this year, I encourage you to try this! It's totally worth
it!
Just a little note from how I was feeling one day. This should give you some insight into the heart of a mother.
This
one is special to me because it's to Piper (duh) and it was written the
morning of the Boston Marathon tragedy. Boston is special to our hearts
as my mother-in-law lives there and we are BIG Red Sox fans (or,World
Series Champs, should I say!). I constantly question bringing up my girl
in this world, and here is where it started.
I
love this one because it is NOT about me! It's about women laboring
with their husbands. Just pictures, no names. So powerful. Thanks to all
the mamas who sent over their pictures.
My
own journey though breastfeeding, formula, and donor milk. Another
example of the ways that so many women blessed me during my first year
of motherhood.
This
post was months in production and thought through a TON. I hope it
spoke to some hearts out there- regardless of whether you're a mother or
not!
Filled with picture's from our baby girl's first birthday party, and
lots of life lessons learned both the easy and the hard way!
Well, there it is! Here's me. Welcome to 2014.
I look forward to walking through life with you this year.
Monday, January 6, 2014
Top 10 Posts of 2013
Welcome to 2014... How has your year been so far? I'm jumping back onto the blogging bandwagon. I thought it would be neat to look through my posts from the last year and write on my most popular ones. And yes, after I wrote this I realized that I have the top 10 on the left side of my blog.... oh well! It's still fun to post it and have some readers come by something they may not have seen earlier.
I will say that I was surprised by the Top 10. They're not necessarily my favorite posts or even the ones I thought would have the most traffic- I guess Pinterest really ups the number with the DIY projects! Whatever your reason for reading, I would love to hear if one of these (or another post) inspired you in the last year! That's why I do what I do!
I will say that I was surprised by the Top 10. They're not necessarily my favorite posts or even the ones I thought would have the most traffic- I guess Pinterest really ups the number with the DIY projects! Whatever your reason for reading, I would love to hear if one of these (or another post) inspired you in the last year! That's why I do what I do!
A post I wrote as my heart cried out in grief after hearing of Brad's accident.
My Matron of Honor speech and goodbye letter to my baby sister.
3. Being Deeply Loved By Someone Gives You Strength...
A collection of couples laboring together. Lots of photos and very few words. The photos tell the story.
A collection of couples laboring together. Lots of photos and very few words. The photos tell the story.
A great collection of herbs, remedies, and treatments
Trying to eat 'cleaner'? These babies are a lifesaver- and yummy too!
6. Our First Refurbishing Project- The Kitchen Table!
What a task this was, and something that we had never done! It was worth it in the end.
What a task this was, and something that we had never done! It was worth it in the end.
7. Lemongrass Spa- Products Review and Giveaway!
What a GREAT company and a GREAT product. Happy to say I own quite a few of these now!
What a GREAT company and a GREAT product. Happy to say I own quite a few of these now!
One of my favorite posts! These shelves were so easy and are so beautiful. I even made some for my sister-in-law as her Christmas present!
9. The Postpartum Body (Weight Loss and More)
Feeling down about your body after baby? You're not the only one.
Feeling down about your body after baby? You're not the only one.
10. My Scars and Flaws
A look at the scars and flaws on my body that make me who I am. Hopefully this will help you to respect and love your body, no matter who you are.
A look at the scars and flaws on my body that make me who I am. Hopefully this will help you to respect and love your body, no matter who you are.
Did you love any of these? Did you try any of them? What was your favorite? Let's hear from the people who made these the most popular posts of 2013! And stay tuned- I'm working on my FAVORITE posts from the last year as well!
Saturday, January 4, 2014
5 Years of Marriage (and 10 Lessons I've Learned)
Hi Friends! Well, it's been awhile... how were your holidays? I hope you ate too much, got new toys, and spent LOTS of time with the people you love. That's what I was doing, and that's my excuse for not blogging in awhile. And I don't feel bad about it!
But today.... today is a special day. Today is the day (5 years ago) that I put on a fabulous white gown.
Today is the day that I couldn't tell if I was shivering from nerves or the cold weather.
Today is the day that I walked down an "aisle" towards the man (or boy... 21 years old!) who I would promise to love forever.
Today is the day that I shared my first laughs and first tears as a married woman.
Today is the day that I committed to one man, before God and our families, to love, respect, and live life with him until the end!
Today is a day to CELEBRATE!
And what a rewarding 5 years it has been! Not easy (I will NEVER tell you marriage is easy), not always fun (but it is fun A LOT), and totally worth every fight.
I put together a little list of many of the biggest lessons that I have learned during these 5 years. I won't call myself a seasoned pro, but I'd like to think that I understand a thing or two about marriage. Maybe you have also learned these things in your relationship, or maybe you can learn them now from my failures! Either way, I count that as success. I will always share my struggles and lessons if it can bring comfort, healing, or understanding to another person. Then, my job is done! Anyway. here goes.... (P.S. these are in no particular order).
1. Always say 'yes' unless there is a good reason to say 'no'. And I'm not really talking about the bedroom here, but you can take it how you want. I used to be the queen of "NO". I had this idea in my head that as soon as we got married, we were supposed to hermit up, stay in bed all day, not talk to anyone, and spend every waking moment together. Well friends, I was wrong. I think I suffocated my poor husband by this. It took me awhile to realize that I had no reason for my 'no's. Why couldn't friends come over and play board games? Why couldn't we go out to lunch? Why couldn't we purchase that thing we already had money for? Why couldn't he spend ONE night with the guys?
I slowly learned that it was okay to have our own friends and spend some time apart. In fact, it was healthy and we both enjoyed it so much, that we missed each other and couldn't wait to be together again! It took me awhile to realize that I had no reason for my 'no's. Now when my husband comes to me to ask something, I mull it over and usually say "Yeah I guess, because I have no reason to say no!". And then I mean it and stick to it. It brings so much freedom!
2. Don't watch love movies. I will spare you the boring details of this and send you over to the post I wrote on this a few months back. Basically, romantic movies put unrealistic expectations on our men to be something that they are not and can never be. Love your man for who he is. And go read the post.
3. Nothing seems too big when you're together. Cheesy, I know. But I have found it to be oh so true from our experiences. The first one that comes to mind is my 4 DAY LABOR (you read that right), and how it truly strengthened and changed our marriage. Daniel was awake every moment that I was during that labor, and although he didn't feel the pains, he constantly was whispering encouraging words, pressing his fists into my back, holding me up, or breathing with me. Without his presence, I would have given up much earlier. Now as we live life together, I find that when I'm with him, I don't feel as scared or worried, because I trust him.
4. When baby comes, let it change you. We had a very difficult time last year when our first child was born. We were trying to hold onto our previous life (late nights, vacations, few responsibilities), and it threw us (me) into what felt like a depression. I longed for our "old" life and how easy it was. Once I finally let go of my selfishness and was able to focus on my new life and the littler person that we had made, everything changed. I began to see new layers of my husband that I had never seen- layers that changed diapers willingly, rocked the baby to sleep, and stared at her in the dark. He was now a father. There is not a time in our relationship that I felt more bonded and attracted to my husband than when we watched each other become parents. I know he feels the same because he has told me. Our new life is different, but it's so full of joy. Just last night my husband said "having a baby is alot different than I expected. It's harder than I expected, but it's also so much more fun than I ever thought it could be". Well said, babe.
5. Agree to disagree on things that are not deal-breakers. As the children in my family became teenagers, we would often sit around and play "deal-breaker". Each person takes a turn and says something that would be a deal breaker in a relationship for them- everything from smoking to Hobbit feet (I can't stand Hobbit feet!!!). While it was all done in fun, deal-breakers are serious. When your spouse does something that you are not fond of and you get in a fight, ask yourself "is this a deal breaker?". If it's not, you will probably make up soon and be fine, so no need to let it blow up and get really bad. We've had enough of these to start recognizing when we can just agree to disagree and walk away from the subject.
6. Your spouse is not the enemy. My mother has told me this since as early as I can remember. I try to remember this when we are fighting. The enemy is the devil, not my husband, and the enemy seeks to "kill and destroy" anything he can, and we must fight against this. He will try to turn us against each other, so it is SO important to remember who the REAL enemy is.
7. Don't spill your problems on social media. I see MANY women do this. And it drives me crazy. Not only do your friends NOT want to hear about your fights and problems, but it is completely betraying your husband. DO NOT embarrass or belittle your spouse in front of others. In the end, it really solves no problems and tells all of your friends your private business and makes people think your marriage is on the edge, when it may have just been a heated argument. I am in no way saying to put up a facade and be something that you are not, I'm just begging you to stop writing it online. If you really need help or to tell someone, go to close friends, family, or invest in some marriage counseling. Your Facebook friends are not the best counselors.
8. Divorce is a reality. In 5 short years of marriage, we have already watched a few of our friend's marriages fall apart. Recently, a very close friend told me that it should be much harder to get married because then people would think twice about doing it. She also said that divorces are just too easy- the legal side of it, that is. In order to have a strong marriage and fight against the enemy, we have to understand the obstacles. If we never say the word 'divorce' and never have it as an option, it seems as if it can easily sneak up on you. I KNOW that divorce is an option, and therefore I have to choose to NOT allow it into my relationship.
9. Sometimes you have to go to bed angry. Another one that people may not agree with, but we love this statement. When we got married, many people told us "never go to bed angry", but we found quickly that our fights would last into the wee hours of the morning and we would both be exhausted, emotional, and be so off track from where the fight first started. All because we were trying not to go to bed angry and solve the disagreement before we did. STUPID! We discovered that if we just said goodnight and went to bed, we woke up refreshed, renewed, not (as) angry, and we could really take on the problem in a more logical way. When you stay up too late fighting, you are too tired and distracted to really fight fair. Now when we have a disagreement, we usually just go to bed and in the morning it either doesn't matter anymore, or we can talk about it more rationally.
8. The best is yet to come. Last weekend we had a getaway staycation for our anniversary and we talked and talked about how much we love our marriage where it is right now. We feel like we are the happiest and strongest that we have ever been, and we are so thankful for that! If this is where we are after 5 years, I can't wait to experience 25 and 50! Stick with it and put in the work - it is so worth it.
But today.... today is a special day. Today is the day (5 years ago) that I put on a fabulous white gown.
Today is the day that I couldn't tell if I was shivering from nerves or the cold weather.
Today is the day that I walked down an "aisle" towards the man (or boy... 21 years old!) who I would promise to love forever.
Today is the day that I shared my first laughs and first tears as a married woman.
Today is the day that I committed to one man, before God and our families, to love, respect, and live life with him until the end!
Today is a day to CELEBRATE!
And what a rewarding 5 years it has been! Not easy (I will NEVER tell you marriage is easy), not always fun (but it is fun A LOT), and totally worth every fight.
I put together a little list of many of the biggest lessons that I have learned during these 5 years. I won't call myself a seasoned pro, but I'd like to think that I understand a thing or two about marriage. Maybe you have also learned these things in your relationship, or maybe you can learn them now from my failures! Either way, I count that as success. I will always share my struggles and lessons if it can bring comfort, healing, or understanding to another person. Then, my job is done! Anyway. here goes.... (P.S. these are in no particular order).
1. Always say 'yes' unless there is a good reason to say 'no'. And I'm not really talking about the bedroom here, but you can take it how you want. I used to be the queen of "NO". I had this idea in my head that as soon as we got married, we were supposed to hermit up, stay in bed all day, not talk to anyone, and spend every waking moment together. Well friends, I was wrong. I think I suffocated my poor husband by this. It took me awhile to realize that I had no reason for my 'no's. Why couldn't friends come over and play board games? Why couldn't we go out to lunch? Why couldn't we purchase that thing we already had money for? Why couldn't he spend ONE night with the guys?
I slowly learned that it was okay to have our own friends and spend some time apart. In fact, it was healthy and we both enjoyed it so much, that we missed each other and couldn't wait to be together again! It took me awhile to realize that I had no reason for my 'no's. Now when my husband comes to me to ask something, I mull it over and usually say "Yeah I guess, because I have no reason to say no!". And then I mean it and stick to it. It brings so much freedom!
2. Don't watch love movies. I will spare you the boring details of this and send you over to the post I wrote on this a few months back. Basically, romantic movies put unrealistic expectations on our men to be something that they are not and can never be. Love your man for who he is. And go read the post.
3. Nothing seems too big when you're together. Cheesy, I know. But I have found it to be oh so true from our experiences. The first one that comes to mind is my 4 DAY LABOR (you read that right), and how it truly strengthened and changed our marriage. Daniel was awake every moment that I was during that labor, and although he didn't feel the pains, he constantly was whispering encouraging words, pressing his fists into my back, holding me up, or breathing with me. Without his presence, I would have given up much earlier. Now as we live life together, I find that when I'm with him, I don't feel as scared or worried, because I trust him.
4. When baby comes, let it change you. We had a very difficult time last year when our first child was born. We were trying to hold onto our previous life (late nights, vacations, few responsibilities), and it threw us (me) into what felt like a depression. I longed for our "old" life and how easy it was. Once I finally let go of my selfishness and was able to focus on my new life and the littler person that we had made, everything changed. I began to see new layers of my husband that I had never seen- layers that changed diapers willingly, rocked the baby to sleep, and stared at her in the dark. He was now a father. There is not a time in our relationship that I felt more bonded and attracted to my husband than when we watched each other become parents. I know he feels the same because he has told me. Our new life is different, but it's so full of joy. Just last night my husband said "having a baby is alot different than I expected. It's harder than I expected, but it's also so much more fun than I ever thought it could be". Well said, babe.
5. Agree to disagree on things that are not deal-breakers. As the children in my family became teenagers, we would often sit around and play "deal-breaker". Each person takes a turn and says something that would be a deal breaker in a relationship for them- everything from smoking to Hobbit feet (I can't stand Hobbit feet!!!). While it was all done in fun, deal-breakers are serious. When your spouse does something that you are not fond of and you get in a fight, ask yourself "is this a deal breaker?". If it's not, you will probably make up soon and be fine, so no need to let it blow up and get really bad. We've had enough of these to start recognizing when we can just agree to disagree and walk away from the subject.
6. Your spouse is not the enemy. My mother has told me this since as early as I can remember. I try to remember this when we are fighting. The enemy is the devil, not my husband, and the enemy seeks to "kill and destroy" anything he can, and we must fight against this. He will try to turn us against each other, so it is SO important to remember who the REAL enemy is.
7. Don't spill your problems on social media. I see MANY women do this. And it drives me crazy. Not only do your friends NOT want to hear about your fights and problems, but it is completely betraying your husband. DO NOT embarrass or belittle your spouse in front of others. In the end, it really solves no problems and tells all of your friends your private business and makes people think your marriage is on the edge, when it may have just been a heated argument. I am in no way saying to put up a facade and be something that you are not, I'm just begging you to stop writing it online. If you really need help or to tell someone, go to close friends, family, or invest in some marriage counseling. Your Facebook friends are not the best counselors.
8. Divorce is a reality. In 5 short years of marriage, we have already watched a few of our friend's marriages fall apart. Recently, a very close friend told me that it should be much harder to get married because then people would think twice about doing it. She also said that divorces are just too easy- the legal side of it, that is. In order to have a strong marriage and fight against the enemy, we have to understand the obstacles. If we never say the word 'divorce' and never have it as an option, it seems as if it can easily sneak up on you. I KNOW that divorce is an option, and therefore I have to choose to NOT allow it into my relationship.
9. Sometimes you have to go to bed angry. Another one that people may not agree with, but we love this statement. When we got married, many people told us "never go to bed angry", but we found quickly that our fights would last into the wee hours of the morning and we would both be exhausted, emotional, and be so off track from where the fight first started. All because we were trying not to go to bed angry and solve the disagreement before we did. STUPID! We discovered that if we just said goodnight and went to bed, we woke up refreshed, renewed, not (as) angry, and we could really take on the problem in a more logical way. When you stay up too late fighting, you are too tired and distracted to really fight fair. Now when we have a disagreement, we usually just go to bed and in the morning it either doesn't matter anymore, or we can talk about it more rationally.
8. The best is yet to come. Last weekend we had a getaway staycation for our anniversary and we talked and talked about how much we love our marriage where it is right now. We feel like we are the happiest and strongest that we have ever been, and we are so thankful for that! If this is where we are after 5 years, I can't wait to experience 25 and 50! Stick with it and put in the work - it is so worth it.
Happy 5 year Anniversary, Daniel. The best is yet to come.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
*Homemade* Christmas Gift Ideas
After posting all of the wonderful businesses and products that my friends are selling for Christmas gifts, I decided to also include a post on homemade gifts, because I seem to fancy them. Most of these I have made before and gifted, so it's safe to share them with you now. Let me know what you think or if you try any of them! (P.S. I'm not super crafty, so they're pretty simple).
Sugar Scrub- Sugar scrubs are so easy, inexpensive, and delightful! The last time I honestly made some was at my baby shower... but I plan on making some this holiday season! If you already have an arsenal of essential oils, it's even easier. All you need are mason jars, sugar, oil, essential oils, and a little decoration! Doesn't Peppermint Sugar Scrub sound divine!?
Home-made Calendar- I made one of these for myself and gifted one a few years ago, and i seem to have misplaced it... All you have to do is gather a bunch of (free) paint chips from Home Depot or Lowe's, cut and position in the frame size of your choice, and put it BEHIND the glass so you can use the glass as dry-erase and change each month. GENIUS! You can find more directions for this exact picture here.
Picture Coasters- These are my favorite. So much that I may have overdone it last year with them, But they're so easy and cheap! Just buy 4 white tiles from Home Depot or Lowe's ( .14 each), and print off some pictures of the loved one that you are gifting to. Cut the picture to size, Mod Podge onto the tile, Mod Podge over the picture, and finish off my spraying with CLEAR spray paint a few times to seal. Then tie with a pretty bow! These are the ones I made for my sister last year.
(Note: You can also use scrapbook paper and I have *heard* fabric works too! And save money by making your own Mod Podge by mixing 1/2 Elmer's glue and 1/2 water in a mason jar and SHAKE!)
Wool Dryer Balls- I just made these for the first time. They are a little time consuming and can make your hand a little achy, but I think they're fun and a thoughtful, useful gift! This is a picture of the ones I made, but you can follow this link for directions!
Baked Goods- Who doesn't love a jar of cookie mixings, a fresh loaf of Amish bread, or some homemade candy? I don't have a link for this, as I am still searching for the perfect recipes, although I have some ideas... Simply scour Pinterest or the internet to find a favorite recipe and make it happen! Don't forget to wrap it up nice and pretty!
Homemade Vanilla Extract- My newest adventure. Vanilla extract is made from Vanilla Beans and vodka (or rum or whiskey). I also don't have a link for this one, as there are SO many options for making this. Check out Pinterest for a TON of ideas and recipes- I can't share mine yet because they are not finished! I'll let you know how they turned out soon! (Note: This gift takes 2-3 months before ready. You can make the little bottles and add a "ready by" date for the recipient).
Applesauce-Cinnamon Ornaments- I just LOVE these! Not only do they smell good and make a great gift, but they are easy, fast, and the kids can help you make them! I had my mommy friends over last week to make some- and there was enough dough left for me to make a dozen!
We used 1 cup of applesauce, 1 1/4 cup cinnamon, and mix with hands. You want the dough to be moist, but not wet. Roll out in between wax paper to 1/4in thick, and cut with cookie cutters into desired shapes. Use a straw to poke holes for hanging (press into dough and twist). Bake at 200 degrees for 2 hours- I actually did a little longer. Or you can let them sit on the counter for 3-4 days to harden. Add ribbon, writing, glitter, whatever your heart desires! I have given these as small gifts, but I know others who has used them as gift tags! So cute!
Sugar Scrub- Sugar scrubs are so easy, inexpensive, and delightful! The last time I honestly made some was at my baby shower... but I plan on making some this holiday season! If you already have an arsenal of essential oils, it's even easier. All you need are mason jars, sugar, oil, essential oils, and a little decoration! Doesn't Peppermint Sugar Scrub sound divine!?
Home-made Calendar- I made one of these for myself and gifted one a few years ago, and i seem to have misplaced it... All you have to do is gather a bunch of (free) paint chips from Home Depot or Lowe's, cut and position in the frame size of your choice, and put it BEHIND the glass so you can use the glass as dry-erase and change each month. GENIUS! You can find more directions for this exact picture here.
Picture Coasters- These are my favorite. So much that I may have overdone it last year with them, But they're so easy and cheap! Just buy 4 white tiles from Home Depot or Lowe's ( .14 each), and print off some pictures of the loved one that you are gifting to. Cut the picture to size, Mod Podge onto the tile, Mod Podge over the picture, and finish off my spraying with CLEAR spray paint a few times to seal. Then tie with a pretty bow! These are the ones I made for my sister last year.
Wool Dryer Balls- I just made these for the first time. They are a little time consuming and can make your hand a little achy, but I think they're fun and a thoughtful, useful gift! This is a picture of the ones I made, but you can follow this link for directions!
Baked Goods- Who doesn't love a jar of cookie mixings, a fresh loaf of Amish bread, or some homemade candy? I don't have a link for this, as I am still searching for the perfect recipes, although I have some ideas... Simply scour Pinterest or the internet to find a favorite recipe and make it happen! Don't forget to wrap it up nice and pretty!
Homemade Vanilla Extract- My newest adventure. Vanilla extract is made from Vanilla Beans and vodka (or rum or whiskey). I also don't have a link for this one, as there are SO many options for making this. Check out Pinterest for a TON of ideas and recipes- I can't share mine yet because they are not finished! I'll let you know how they turned out soon! (Note: This gift takes 2-3 months before ready. You can make the little bottles and add a "ready by" date for the recipient).
 |
| (Not my picture!) |
We used 1 cup of applesauce, 1 1/4 cup cinnamon, and mix with hands. You want the dough to be moist, but not wet. Roll out in between wax paper to 1/4in thick, and cut with cookie cutters into desired shapes. Use a straw to poke holes for hanging (press into dough and twist). Bake at 200 degrees for 2 hours- I actually did a little longer. Or you can let them sit on the counter for 3-4 days to harden. Add ribbon, writing, glitter, whatever your heart desires! I have given these as small gifts, but I know others who has used them as gift tags! So cute!
Have a Merry DIY Christmas!
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