My sweet little girl....
I
had the most precious moment with you today. I kept you up past your
nap time with some friends, so you were a little fried and pretty tired.
We took a quick bath, then I sat on the couch with you in my arms and
gave you a bottle. As you ate, you quickly fell asleep- in my arms. This
is extremely rare, so I usually settle in and prepare for a few
blissful moments of cuddling with my sleeping baby. Your skin was so
soft and flawless, your lips were still moving as if you were eating,
and your eyelashes are AMAZING. As I reveled in this little piece of
heaven, reality set in...
I
flipped on the TV, and it was plastered with horrifying news about a
bombing in Boston. As I watched the images flash across the screen, my
eyes instantly filled with tears. Here I was, sitting quietly and
comfortably cuddling the most beautiful girl in the world, and there
were people on the other side of the country screaming, crying, and
running for their lives. Why do I have to raise you in this world!?!
I
quickly contacted Grammy and Kirsten to see if they were alright- they
both had the day off and were at a movie during the attack. I’m not sure
where they work in Boston, so I had a little freak-out moment -
terrified that your grandmothers could have been hurt or badly affected
by this. All is well for now.
But
the problem is, someone else may have lost a grandmother. Someone else
may have lost a mother. Or a father. Or worse... and even harder to
fathom...someone else DID lose a child. I cannot even let my mind travel
there. Why did a tiny little innocent person have to have their life so
violently ripped away from them?
I
wish that I could protect you from everything. I wish that I could sit
on the couch, with you safely sleeping in my arms, through every trial
you may face in this world. I wish that I could keep the sickness, the
bad guys, and the heartaches from coming near you. I wish that I could
shelter you from knowing the depravity of this world and the hate and
violence that some people carry. I wish that I could raise you in a
world filled with love, acceptance, generosity, and safety. Your Daddy
would laugh at this and call me a hippie, but I know that he feels the
same way.
Sometimes
I wonder if I was selfish in bringing you into this world because I
wanted a baby and I wanted to be a mother. I wonder if I could have
saved you the turmoil in this world if you simply didn’t exist. This is
the only way I could actually protect you! Crazy, isn’t it? But I didn’t
have that choice. God decided that you needed to join our family and
make me a mother. HE sent you here at the exact time that he did. He has
a plan for you.
If I shelter you, I will be lying to you. This world is not a wonderful
and beautiful place all of the time. It is filled with lots of hurting
and broken people who need Jesus. And although I cannot protect you and
shelter you from everything that hurts, I can introduce you to the one
who can. I may not always be there to comfort you, but He is.
I
remember where I was and what I was doing when I heard about the
Columbine shooting.I remember where I was the moment that I heard about
the Twin Towers. I remember where I was when I heard about the shootings
at other schools and the movie theatre. And I am sure that there will
be many more moments to remember. But today, at the moment I heard about
the Boston bombing, I was sitting on my couch, with the most beautiful
girl sleeping in my arms. I will never forget this, and I will never
take for granted how fortunate we are to have you, to have safety, and
to know the true love of Jesus.
I love you Pipsqueak.
