What's the deal with Modesty?

Many people have seen Jessica Rey’s video on modesty and swimsuits that has recently spread like a wildfire across the internet. I watched it just last week and it got my mind thinking... Here it is in case you haven’t seen it yet. 

After watching this video, I felt a little convicted, a little thoughtful, and a little empowered. I spent the evening mulling over the statistics she mentioned and letting it all sink in. The next day, I read ANOTHER article written by a wonderful young woman about the importance of modesty and what the bible says about it.

After these two instances, I knew I needed a change.

I have never been ashamed of my body. I still am not. BUT, since I have never had a model-worthy body, I think I felt the need to show that it was still just as cute, even if I was shorter and my legs were thicker. I had always thought that women who wore one-piece bathing suits were either ashamed of their bodies, trying to cover up extra weight, or covered in stretch marks and scars. My mind was very twisted. While this may be true for some women (and all are legitimate reasons), I discovered that there is another reason for wearing a one-piece suit. Modesty.

Since I grew up in church and ended up marrying a man in ministry, modesty is always in the back of my mind. There are certain outfits I would only wear in front of my husband, on a special night out, or on vacation. When I lead worship on Sundays and I’m standing on a stage in front of a bunch of people, I feel too exposed wearing a short skirt or even a sleeveless shirt. I think this is partly from the thought of being uncomfortable on stage- adjusting my skirt, being too cold without sleeves, wondering how my legs look to the audience. I don’t want to worry about these things when I’m worshiping! But there are still moments when I  walk out the closet and my husband says “oh, you’re wearing that? Isn’t it a little revealing?”. And I would think “why would he care? Doesn’t he want people to think he has a sexy wife?”. Boy, was I wrong. My husband loves my body, but he wants it for himself.

After my few days feeling overwhelmed by modesty videos and articles, I reassessed my heart. I could throw a bunch of scripture at you on the subject, but I won’t. I’ll just tell you my feelings instead and you can assess yourselves. I wouldn’t feel conviction in my heart unless there was a problem. And then  I reassessed my closet. I have a few shirts that are a little skimpy, and probably only good for playing in the backyard or wearing over a bathing suit at the beach. I have a pair of shorts that could be worn amongst girlfriends, but maybe not to the grocery store. Why do I think this? Here is what I have found:

Modesty is not about wearing enough clothes to keep all the skin-hungry men from looking at you. It’s not about covering up your scars and flaws. It’s also not about rules and regulations. There is not perfect length for shorts, or perfect thickness for straps. There is not appropriate or inappropriate swimsuit. It is about YOU and your convictions, and your heart. Our actions do express what is in our hearts.

So let me ask you: Why are you wearing the bikini? Or the low-cut shirts? Or the skimpy shorts? Do they make you feel comfortable and you have no problem with them? Great, no worries. But if there is another reason, take some time to explore it.

Here is what I am doing. I discovered that my main reason for wearing a bikini now is to show everyone that I can be a hot mom. Embarrassing to say out loud- but it’s out. But then I realized that I have nothing to prove! My husband loves every part of me, and he loves when I share my body with only him. How fun is it to have an awesome secret like that!?! And what is my purpose, to make other moms feel bad about how they look? NO. I say NO.

Instead, I will wear a one-piece swimsuit in public. I am not putting rules on myself- I still have bikinis that I want to allow the perfect tan- and I will address every situation as it comes. I love my body enough to NOT show it off; I know what it looks like, not matter how much skin can be seen. How freeing does it sound to be playing at the beach with your babies and not worry about your bottoms coming down, your top disappearing in the waves or how you look walking across the wet sand? I want to go to beach and breathe in my little girl and everything that experience has to offer- it’s not about me.

And one step further- I do not intend to allow my daughter to wear bikinis anytime soon. I want her to learn to love her body for all that it is and not worry about her top not staying down over her flat chest or losing a piece when she does a cannonball. She will get to a point where she wants a bikini- and that’s fine. I will not put my convictions on my children, just as I would not put them on you. And at that time, we will discuss it and she will begin making decisions for herself. But for the few sweet years that I can protect her innocence and keep her mind pure from this world’s expectations, you better believe I will fight for that. So I will wear a one-piece for my daughter to understand the beauty of a woman no matter what she wears. I will never hold my children to a different standard than I hold myself to- none of this “do as I say, not as I do” mumbo-jumbo.  

Now, there are different instances where I do not have these same convictions. For example, in birth pictures, while breastfeeding, etc. Those are pictures of real life happening, and if you've ever given birth, you don't want clothes on (can I get an Amen?). So please understand that each situation in different and calls for re-evaluation. 

But there is something so freeing about the fact that it is my choice with what I wear, not a rule put on me. That empowers me to make a decision based on my convictions and what is best for my family. And I bought the two CUTEST swimsuits this week for our beach vacation next month!

 I can’t wait to rock my one-piece.